To begin this article, I want to tell you a true story. I know two men who are extremely similar to one another. For the sake of this article, we'll call them James and Julian.
Both James and Julian look very similar to one another; if you didn't know any better you'd think they were brothers. Julian, though, has tattoos, and James doesn't. Both James and Julian are extremely intelligent, kindhearted individuals.
James is a virgin. He's almost 30 years old, and his panic, depression, and bitterness towards the dating scene is understandably starting to show. It's gotten to the point that his female friends are picking up on the vibes — and no longer feel comfortable talking to him.
Julian has a girlfriend, and also has a ton of female friends who enjoy talking to him from time to time. Julian is slightly younger than James, and has a pretty chill disposition.
So, you're probably wondering what Julian has that James doesn't. As a relationship writer, it's pretty clear to me that Julian had decided to max out his chances in the dating scene — while James didn't.
Here's what Julian and others like him are doing in order to max their chances at being successful at love, dating, and just generally speaking to women.
Get into health — and not only physical health.
One of the hardest truths about dating is that it's a matter of natural selection. Survival of the fittest is the name of the game, and we are all biologically wired to find someone who would be able to create and provide for healthy offspring.
This is why physical appearances matter so much to sexual attraction; it's our bodies that are telling us that someone is a good mating choice, and that they are going to be able to make healthy babies. This is even true with people who don't want kids.
Six packs? A lean physique? Clear skin? Those are all indicators that someone is healthy.
But, most dating sites already cover this in spades. What they forget to mention is that a good physical appearance is only half of the equation.
The other half is emotional and mental wellbeing — and this is what guys who are looking for a girlfriend but can't have much success typically neglect. Girls are not going to be interested in guys who act crazy, because they don't want to be in abusive, unstable relationships.
Things like obviously low self-esteem, negging, obsessing over sex, being a Nice Guy(TM), having rage issues, or even just not having friends shows that you're not in a good place. No one wants to date someone who is mentally unstable — and that includes guys, girls, and nonbinaries like myself.
If you can't seem to get a girlfriend regardless of how much you work out, it could be that you're sending signals that indicate that you aren't emotionally well. That kind of signaling will kill off any kind of attraction you could have directed your way.
Even so, it's a combination of the two that will make you very attractive to women.
Be willing to get out there and talk to people.
One thing that really divided Julian from James, at least from what I could glean, was the fact that Julian had a lot of hobbies and is always pretty outgoing with everyone around him. This obviously means that Julian has a lot more opportunities to meet people, especially women.
James, on the other hand, let his social anxiety determine his life — despite having a lot of friends who begged and pleaded with him to come out to talk with others. The end result is that he spends most of his days in his room, not talking to anyone. Even his own friends stopped inviting him out.
You can't get a girlfriend or get laid without actually going out of your way to meet people. Otherwise, how are you supposed to meet the girl you want to be with? Even if you just end up with a lot of friends at first, it's still worth it. After all, you never know who they'll introduce you to.
Understand that rejection is part of the dating game, and ask women out regardless.
Rejection is part of life for everyone. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's part of the human condition. We will all be rejected for dates, jobs, and even housing applications. Such is life. Life isn't fair, nor did anyone ever say it's easy.
Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Jordan, and Ron Jeremy all have faced rejection — but clearly, that hasn't stopped them from being happy, successful, and very popular with girls.
Part of increasing your chances at finding love, or even getting laid, is understanding that dating is partly a "numbers game." The more people you reach out to, the more likely it is that at least one person will be interested in you.
In order for the numbers side of the dating game to work, you need to be able to take rejection healthily. After all, people do talk, and if you blow up at the wrong person, your reputation will suffer and people will be less likely to speak to you.
Once again, this goes back to the importance of being emotionally healthy enough to have a healthy relationship. Health is attractive.
Have a career — and be financially stable.
Though there are more women than ever who are the primary breadwinners in their homes, the truth is that most women want to date a man who can provide at least a little bit of financial help to their current situation.
This isn't about "women being gold diggers" in most cases. Rather, it's about women wanting to make sure that they aren't acting as a maid, a provider, and a caretaker for a guy who brings little to the table aside from sex and a wedding ring.
Dating is, and always will be, about showing what you can bring to the table — and finding someone who can complement that with their own offers, too. Additionally, having a career and showing financial stability is a sign of health, and also shows that you have something to offer them for the long term.
As a result, a guy who works hard towards a career with a healthy work-life balance is a guy who's maxing out his chances at finding a good girl to settle down with.
Have a life outside of women.
The biggest attraction issue that men overlook isn't always their career, their manners, or even the way that they look. It's the fact that guys don't really do anything to show that they have a fun, interesting life.
Women want a guy who's adventurous and alive. It's a sign that they are owning life, and that they have a lot to offer the right girl. To a point, it also can allow women to figure out what to talk about when they are dating them.
Being the boring dude who does nothing but play League of Legends in their basement isn't showing that they have much to offer — but being the guy who joined a beer brewing club might.
Basically, just be yourself — but a more awesome version of you.
If you're a guy reading these things, you're probably wondering why women can't like you for you — or why you should have to change in order for them to like you.
The truth is that a healthier, more active you is still you. When people tell you to be yourself around women, they never tell you that you actually have to build yourself up to be the you that people want to be near.
Being dateable and maximizing your chances at having people attracted to you is not "cheating who you are." It's not being "a fake Chad." It's about making yourself into the kind of person you personally want to be, and reaping the rewards of it.
When you think about it, the concept is pretty simple, isn't it?