FOMO

The Fear Of Missing Out

It's not a novel concept nor is it a new topic for our generation. It plagues all of us, leaving none behind. Every day our social media informs us that someone is living a better life than us. Doing better than us. Going places. This constant fear that we are static, stationary in life brings us down.

Somehow, when we are living away from home this fear is even more debilitating. I never realized how big a role my culture and my community play in my interactions with the world. Even when I was living in my own community, I never was a very social person. I couldn't claim I am an introvert but neither do I have excellent social skills. This didn't mean I didn't have friends or anything. It just meant I preferred being at home sitting cozily with a book rather than out partying in a club or restaurant.

I felt just cause I was able to keep my own company I can successfully have an easy time in a foreign culture. I felt I just needed to know a few cultural rules of the country and it would be smooth sailing for me. How wrong I was!! I came to a different nation to pursue higher studies. But instead, I realized that I have become a loner. A lonely person.

This didn't happen overnight. It crept stealthily into my life. During my first year in a different country, I was flat out running towards a goal. I had undertaken my masters as a sprint that I needed to finish as fast as I could. I didn't have time for social interactions nor did I feel left out in anything. I spent a lot of time with my labmates and colleagues arguing about the merits of a particular theory over another. I was deriving my happiness from my work. I didn't hear nor feel anything else. I never realized that I was isolating myself. I was not interested in making bonds that went beyond my lab.

This was a huge mistake on my part. Though I completed my masters in one and a half years, I don't have many memories to show for it. I don't have deep friendships with others on my campus. I don't have photos to post on my social media. Suddenly, I feel alone. There is no one to share my happiness nor is there anyone to share the frustrations of my lab work. I had buried my head in the sand for 18 months and my work was my only support. I decided to continue in the same lab for my Ph.D. since I felt if I could get happiness from my work, let me continue to do that. I couldn't be any stupider in my decision making. I had given up many memories previously and had decided to give up many more for the same goal. Attaining a degree. Now that I try to come away from my lab, my work, I have no one to hang out with. I am all alone. People who thought I had a great work ethic, now think I am not working to the fullest. My work suffers cause I have no new ideas. I feel burnt out.

The FOMO of my life now rules my day. I have lost all the direction that I need to continue my degree. I don't have a community that I can fall back on to help me. My FOMO has actually turned into reality. I look at my social feed and realize, most of my friends are moving ahead. I have chosen to get stuck in a singular space for more than 6 years. I am stationary for these precious years that I could have enjoyed. My happiest days have been written away to a journey that I am hating daily. Not because I don't like what I do, but rather cause I have no one to share it with.

The Fear Of Missing Out for me is not about the experiences—rather it is the people who we share it with. And this becomes more important when you are away from home. When you are in a foreign land you need a community that you can fall back on. You need people who will guide you, support you and sometimes wipe your tears away. Build your network. Build a life outside your work. Build a community. Never be a loner. For a loner is the first victim to depression.