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Fool's Gold

The Truth About Love

By SarahPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Photo by Julia Reber

True love—something everyone in this world wants to get their hands on.; the beautiful feeling of being in love and having someone who admires you every day and every night. Looking into someone’s eyes and seeing your entire world standing directly in front of you. It’s everything about that person that you love. Their smell, their smile, their eyes, how they speak, how they walk. It’s the safe sound of their voice and how being in their arms makes you feel like nothing else matters. The whole world crumbles around you when they’re around. The only thing you see is them.

Sure, love sounds absolutely phenomenal. I know that I would kill to have someone who wanted me every day and every night for the rest of our lives. But is love really all that it’s cracked out to be? We have this symbolic idea of love and how amazing it is, but really, what does it look and feel like when it comes to an end? I’m a writer, so I either choose to be a realist or a hopeless romantic, but I often find myself stuck in the middle. I agree that love is an astonishing feeling when things are working out and going well, but when things go badly, that’s a whole different feeling.

Love is not always what it’s cracked out to be. It’s one of those things that can seem really amazing, but is actually horrible. You can leave love feeling marvelous or powerless. I think that is what is the most terrifying thing about being in love; you never know where it will go.

Falling in love is one of the easiest things in the world. All it takes is looking into someone’s eyes and knowing that they’re the one for you. The hard part is giving someone the power over you and your heart; giving someone the power and benefit of doubt to not hurt you and not betray you. For myself, it has always been difficult, learning to let someone in and let my walls down and let someone love me because I never knew how to love myself. I was always confused as to how another human being could find me so enticing and intriguing that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me.

It never lasted long. I always found a way to push them away and make them hate me. So, after a few years, I began to despise love, and I resented it almost as much as I resented myself. What I never understood was that it wasn’t me that was ruining this iconic idea of love, it was the people I put my trust in. I know it seems selfish and conceited to say that I was not at fault for people hurting me. I don’t see it that way any longer. I take responsibility for pushing people away, but if they did truly love me and truly care for me, wouldn’t they have fought and tried to understand why I was pushing them away instead of just leaving when I clearly needed them the most? I don’t understand how someone could listen to your hurt and pain and everything you’ve been through that has made you this giant brick wall and then turn around and go and do the exact same thing you have just explained to them.

Love is about taking risks and finding someone who is worth the fight and potential pain. Love is blinding and love is formidable. Love is about leaving you exposed to that person and showing them every small detail about you and everything you’ve ever felt. The most terrifying part of love is that you never know how it will end. Love can leave you powerless or infuriated. Love can leave you in awe and confused. Love can leave you healed and recharged.

People feel so many different things when they hear the word “love,” and often they think of a specific person. Love is, most importantly, about finding someone who you want to take the risk for. Because loving that person and being able to experience their love was worth that pain and hurt that you may feel if it ends. That person you think of when I say “love” is the person you think is worth the helplessness, despair, perplexity, and marvelous feelings.

I had my heart broken by a man who promised me he would be different from the others and that he would never hurt me or leave my side. The only difference between him and everyone else was that I actually believed every word he said. I never would have expected to be with him. He was my father’s friend and he was overly conceited. He was 5’11” with fire red hair and a crazy beard. I knew from the first date that I wanted him to be in my life for a very long time. It didn’t take much. He was such an amazing and strong human being. My only fault was assuming he was strong enough for the both of us. When he left, I felt empty and hopeless and disappointed. I still think that loving him and experiencing his love was worth all of the pain and hurt that I went through, because the good outweighed the bad.

Love is such an astounding thing. It can make you feel complete and make you the happiest person on this planet, or it can make you feel belittled and unimportant. Love is risk. Love is fight. Love is pain. Love is immortal. Love is confusing and it’s draining. But is love worth it?

Photo by Julia Reber

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