Forgiveness

The truth will set you free.

I forgive you. You lied to me and to everyone else but you just wanted to seem more interesting didn't you? You were a scared child and you were trying to hide the things going on at home. You didn't want anyone to know what was happening—they would have taken you away from your mother. You'd heard horrible things about the adoption process and the foster care system, and you KNEW no one would want someone your age, or your brother's age. What about your brother? You'd be separated. What if he had an asthma attack with someone who didn't know about his needs? He could die.

So you lied. You made up these extravagant stories about being friends with these unattainable people, and how they were like your best friends. They were all you talked about. No one famous... just older people. You made up friendships with them. It was a small town and that was something believable, other than no one ever seeing you two together.

Your mind started going crazy and you convinced yourself. That was the starting point. As you grew older it got to a point that you felt like that was the only way that you had any value. You had to lie to everyone about everything in order to make yourself more interesting, to keep the few friends that you thought that you had. Things kept building up and there were so many chances that you could have stopped your lying but you didn't, did you? Why didn't you? 

It was scary. Confrontation has always been such a fear of yours, hasn't it? You did it to yourself though. Confrontation will always be a fear of yours, and it'll always be something that you're worried about. You did it to yourself. You know that. You did it to yourself. You never know if these people would have cared about you for you. You never know if these people would have loved you for the way that you were on your own, and you'll never know.

Isn't that the worst part? You'll never know. I forgive you, though. I forgive your fear, and I forgive your pain. I see what you were going through now. I see what you were going through then. I know what you're dealing with, and I know that you still suffer. You can't forgive yourself and that's the most important forgiveness of all. I forgive you though. I'll always forgive you. You're all I have some days, you know? You're my best friend and you're always by my side.

You're the one that's always got my back and always stands up for me. You're the one that always takes care of me when I need it and you're the one that always takes care of everyone else that you possibly can. You take care of everyone that you can. You overcompensate to make up for things that you've done in the past. Do you deserve forgiveness? That's up to them. But do you deserve forgiveness from yourself? Absolutely. And I do. I do forgive you.

Everyone messes up. Everyone does horrible things sometimes and the thing that you need to remember is that you can't go back in time. You can't change what's already done and you can't change what's already happened. It's happened because well, it happened. It doesn't matter why it happened anymore, it just matters that it doesn't happen again. Do not let it happen again. Be you and be a better you. Just be a better person. Don't allow others to hurt you and don't allow yourself to hurt others. Don't let people make you feel inferior or like you have to be someone that you're not to be their friend; but don't blame them for pretending to be someone that you're not. Just be you and be happy.

I promise. The truth will set you free.

Kayleigh Lynne
Kayleigh Lynne

I'm just a girl, still trying to get things figured out. I'm opinionated, strong, weak, a lover, a fighter, a survivor, a warrior, and most of all, I've broken the old me, and become someone better. I'm here to tell my stories.

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Forgiveness
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