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I hear a lot of people wanting to mend a broken relationship but don't know where to start. Forgiveness is the first step to mending a broken relationship. Yeah, I know it's not that easy and what if they don't deserve forgiveness? I've had to do a lot of forgiving in my life, just as I've needed forgiveness from others. That doesn't matter forgiveness is for you. At the end of the day, it helps you feel better. And now you are like, how do I start forgiveness?
So then you may be trying to decipher when and where it all went wrong. I want to tell you that does not matter either, because you'll spend all day trying to dissect and come up with many scenarios about how things could have gone. We spend a lot of energy coming up with things in our minds go unresolved. So don't worry about that, the relationship you are trying to save is worth so much more. Right?
Let me paint you a picture. Find something that is taller than you or the tallest thing in your room or home. Imagine this item is luggage stacked up that tall. Imagine this luggage filled with old clothes you need to go through and get rid of but you never really do. Imagine looking down at the very first luggage at the bottom, you don't even remember what's in it. It has the oldest clothes. Now imagine just wanting to skip through suitcases, picking random ones to go through and the tower is unsteady as you're trying to sort through it, so you quit. Imagine that you made no dent in your sorting because you became overwhelmed causing wasted energy, but you keep trying to pack more suitcases on top of the old ones, it's difficult but you keep forcing it.
Now imagine that luggage that you forced on top of the old luggage makes the tower of luggage fall and it's a mess. Now you really don't know when, where the luggage was placed at first so you just rebuild the tower. Now imagine your trying to do your daily life routine while pulling this luggage along with you, and it constantly falls, it is unorganized, but you just keep putting the tower back up. This is what unforgiveness does in your life. It creates chaos, confusion, and only you can get rid of the luggage. You can have some help but it's ultimately up to you.
Not only do you have this luggage problem, but the person that you've had issues with has this luggage problem too. Because you never unpacked the issues in the past you just kept making a list of what they did wrong and the list just keeps getting long. So at this time most of what they do will never be right for you. They'll always be wrong because you never relieved them of their initial luggage or wrongs they've done to you.
So, now you also may be wanting them to apologize but they refuse to. That is okay too, because they don't have to apologize for you to forgive them. Because at the end of the day if someone has felt they have not wronged then they will not apologize. And if they die and you have unresolved conflicts, you'll still need to forgive.
Forgiveness is the acceptance of the past as a lesson and the behavior that you learned for survival. At the end of the day in order for us to avoid all of this, it is important for us to deal with our issues while we are in the present. If you need to step away or remove yourself for a day or two that is fine, but come back to the issue with a calm and collective mind.
You don't have to forget in order to forgive. You don't have to stop crying or mourning. But it is important to live while you mourn at times, and never give up on you.