Romance is a significant part of living. We all, at some point, have dealt or will deal with the excitement and allure of a newfound relationship and romance. But just as we experience the sensation of those butterflies flying throughout our bellies and the warm sensation of that blush that keeps creeping up onto our cheeks, we also experience the idea that not all things will last forever. Unfortunately, even in love, we will experience that crippling emotional pain that makes feel paralyzed, even when you are perfectly functional and capable. That painful sensation of hurt and loss is the breakup or death of a romance. Though we may love with our all, that vulnerability also possesses the ability to make us lose it all. Throughout our lives, though, we are exposed to people very much alike and also incredibly different from one another. Through my experiences both good and bad in life, I have learned that there are four different types of romances; both blissful and hellish.
1. The first type of romance is that of a "vacant" love.
This type of romance or relationship reveals itself as more of a companionship rather than a union. This romance is one that lacks the most passionate feelings only love can produce. It is a comfortable feeling but not one with electricity and absolute desire. In this romance, we feel a sense of commitment, we do truly care for the one we belong to; however, we do not long for them. We would much rather hang out and laugh with them than initiate intimacy, even if we are already in a state of intimacy with them, it is not our favorite place to be.
Things are absolutely consensual; you care for them, they care for you, therefore you become one with them; but it doesn't feel the way you thought true love would feel. It never does, and it never will. You blame yourself, thinking there must be a fault in your wiring, it must be your fault you are not head over heels for this person who makes you smile without even attempting to. But you will not feel that way, no matter how much blame you put on yourself. It is the epitome of dating your best friend. It will not be your fault, you love them with all of your heart, but you will never feel that passion you dream of feeling. It is not their fault either, it is no one's fault. The depth of romance you long for lies within someone else, even if you are yet to see it.
2. The next romance is a common one—the "infatuated" love.
"in·fat·u·a·tion: an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something."
It is exactly what you are thinking right now. It is a love with no chance of surviving for an extended amount of time. Sometimes you will not consider it an infatuated romance; sometimes it will surprise you and hurt a part of you. However, sometimes it is exactly what you feel it to be—a romance with an expiration date or a romance to mend any wounds you fear you may still have from a prior affair.
Infatuated romances are not wrong. Of course, in situations involving them someone may get hurt, and unfortunately that is a bruise you will have inflicted on another or a bruise you will have to wait to heal within you. Feeling that overwhelming passion within your physical being and wishing you felt it within your emotional being is a symptom of this type of romance. It's sex, it's lust, it's not real—but it does feel good for the time being. That connection you long for can be nonexistent because you will not be looking for it, you will be too consumed with late nights and lustful urges. But do not feel ashamed, it is natural. You are not doing anything wrong and anyone who makes you think otherwise is incorrect. This romance, though fun, and most likely will come to exist at a time where that's really what you truly need; it is not an endgame. It is a fling, it is a temporary state of being. It will pass, it will disintegrate, and become a thing of your past.
3. The third romance is the privilege to experience "real" love.
This is the hardest to describe, because if you never feel it you cannot even attempt to describe it. But if you do feel it at some point in your life, you still will never be able to truly describe it for what it is. Real love, though something that is still debated to exist to this day, is the ultimate existence of desire and longing but at the same time comfortable and heavenly. It is easily misconceived as existing in connections where it actually does not. There is no way of knowing if you will ever experience it in your lifetime, and as bleak as that sounds, more often than not people are unable to ever experience it.
Real love is something you feel when, though unable to predict the future, you feel confident in the connection, so confident that you would die for it, even knowing that anything can happen to force you and that one person apart. Real love is forever, even if the romance was unable to be. Real love is not a bruise or a scar on your soul, it is a complete and total part of your soul belonging to your partner. It is a sensation of completeness and content passion, but in being that, it is also the violent act of having a part of your soul being ripped away, robbed from your existence forever. Real love is deep, the deepest emotional experience you will experience, that is if you are lucky enough to have that romance enter your life.
4. The last romance is what I like to call "desolate" love.
"des·o·late: (of a place) deserted of people and in a state of bleak and dismal emptiness."
That definition may be a bit dark, but it is a clear explanation of what type of romance this really is. A desolate love is not much of a love at all, in fact it stems from a type of possession and longing for a void, that you have created, to be filled. Excluding the other person, you cannot bear to be by yourself. You are too scared that instead of finding yourself and growing, your demons will take you over. Instead of learning how to love yourself, you worry you will hate yourself. Therefore you make yourself believe that you love someone else whom you truly do not.
This relationship may be a happy one, maybe you think you are in love, and even if you know inside you are not, it does not matter much. Your partner is kind, loving, and the relationship may be a storybook dream. But even if this be the case—it will never be healthy. Even if you have a kid involved, and the life you give to that child is one of true care and satisfaction, you will never be satisfied, and though your partner may think they are, they will not be either. Because neither of you are in a true romance. These types of relationships are more often and not significantly unhealthy though. The main concerns are that of what outsiders see, and behind closed doors possible abuse—emotional, physical, or sexual takes place. You will hurt in this relationship, and you will wonder why. You will never feel any companionship, you will feel alone laying beside your partner. You will never be content.
Romance is quite the sensation. It can build you up only to tear down every security you feel. These four relationships/romances are what exist in our world, our lifetime, and whatever romance you are in or wish to be in—may not be the one you want or receive. Love is the most complicating idea for the human mind to handle. Always choose wisely in who you spend or waste your time with connecting to. What you decide can either make you or deprive you for the rest of your existence.