Four Years Starved

It’s not dating that’s hard, it’s meeting people. Think about it. The only reason dating sites exist is because people are too busy, far, or anti-social to meet people. It would be amazing if the world set us up to meet our soulmates at a young age and allowed us to grow with them, but as we all very well know, that is only a reality for some. However, I do think the universe likes to play with us…most often, me.

The other night was surreal, I thought the universe finally stopped playing games and was allowing me to soon have a taste of my heart's desires, but it was too good to be true.

Once upon a time, in a far-off land, where I never needed a dating app, I met a man in class, let’s call him, Lumberjack. He was just darling, a classy hipster communications major, you know, the Jake Gyllenhaal type. We only had one class together, but for 4 years we would run into one another, constantly flirting and sending hints, or so we thought. I would bat my eyelashes, while occasionally touching his biceps, as us girls do so often. He would run his hands through his hair, smile and wink at me, just enough times to make me giggle, in that bashful kind of way.

The way we ran into each other was always random and would catch us off guard, but always came as a pleasant surprise. From campus run-ins, and downtown events to tipsy gallery night meet and greets, we could always count on the universe to bring us together. And let me tell you, the universe tricked me this time.

After being stood up for the second Saturday in a row, my loyal friend Lola took me out on the town to chug some shots for my sorrows and shake some ass to…well…release my inhibitions, as they say. She even had a guy she wanted me to meet, John.

As the night carried on, I waited for us to run into John and his friends, hoping to meet a nice guy in Pensacola who could be the one. As we danced and drank - and oh, did we drink - I began to stalk John’s Instagram, only to find out he is friends with Lumberjack. Soon after gushing over Lumberjack’s photos with Lola, I brought myself to text Lumberjack, telling him I wanted to see him, only to never get a text back. It was then that Lola heard through the grapevine that Lumberjack was moving to Rhode Island and it was his last night in town; clearly the reason why John and friends were taking Pensacola by storm. I figured it was a lost cause at that point, the universe is clearly showing me that Lumberjack is not the one, but boy, did that change.

Thirty minutes into my drunken anxiety attack, I see a crazed man on the dance floor, breaking it down and moving every limb on his body; this thing looked like a wild boar if they could breakdance, it was quite the show. As the song finally changed, our wild boar calmed and I made eye contact with this creature, that I now never wanted to look away from.

His hair had grown out and he had trimmed his beard, but it was him. Lumberjack. Without even blinking, Lumberjack climbed up over the bars that separated the dance floor from the seating area, met my gaze with only centimeters in between. We said hello. I told him he was supposed to kiss me years ago. He told me he wanted to kiss me years ago. Then he kissed me. Perhaps kiss is not the right word. Our lips clasped together like melting glaciers, our tongues as twisted as the Joker's thoughts. We were warped into a time where only he and I existed. Our friends shocked and speechless, us, unapologetic. For the rest of the night our eyes were in sync. I can’t remember the last time someone has looked at me that way. As if there was no air without me; it was me and him against the world. To feel hot and heavy but warm and safe all at once. It wasn’t that slow indulging kind of love, it was the kind where waves crash, hearts tug and the audience cheers because it was meant to be.

As we cascaded downtown, passing Whiskey Bar and Tin Cow, he held my hand like I was going to disappear in that instant. We couldn’t stop kissing. And his grip, wow was he strong, it made me want to do things I shouldn’t. Every fiber of my being was enveloped in his. He was mine for the night and I was his.

He told me he loved my lips and bragged about me for years to his friends. I told him I always crushed on him during every run-in. He told me back then he would’ve been no good for me, but now he could be great. We fantasized about adorable mixed kids and a home in the city. He told me to follow him and put up with him through thick and thin. But let’s face it, we both knew that night was for us, only that night. He would leave and one day find his own way and I, mine. It was sad in its own way, two hearts desperately bypassing one another for four years, too afraid to make the mistake. I have been starving and had no idea. I was so hungry for him and one night was not going to fill me up. I wanted all of him, then, now, forever, but that’s not the way the universe works. The universe sent him to Rhode Island to follow his dreams and I wanted nothing more for him. To find his way, embark on his journey and become nothing short of amazing.

I can’t believe the way the universe plays me, almost feels like a tall tale, but I find myself on the market once again. Currently, single in Pensacola.

P.S. Did I mention Lola moved to Rhode Island - vacation anyone?