Freedom

Where do I begin? I guess I should start at the beginning. It all started back in 2015. I had just moved back to Washington State from Arizona with my oldest and dearest friend. We rented a small room for a few months together. Turned out my friend didn't care for the rain, so she went back to Arizona. I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay and make it work out.

Long story short, I met someone not too long after that. We seemed to hit it off and ended up moving in with each other. The first run didn't last but after three months, and I found myself packing up and moving back to Arizona. Six months later, I had an invite to move back to Washington and try it again. So, I returned. Single and happy I lived on a dear friend's boat. I had no contact with my ex for a while until I ran into him again. And so began our relationship once again.

This time, we took it slow. But I was scared that the fighting and the yelling would continue like it had the first three months of our relationship. But, I loved him. And the verbal abuse had seemed to stop. For the moment. We ended up both moving back to Arizona for six months, where his drinking had become worse. Well, after six months of misery, he headed back alone to Washington. And of course, he sobered up and we broke up. I was done, or so I had myself convinced.

Well, once again I made the mistake of believing his lies, and his manipulation and moved back with him. Yes, our relationship kept going on like that for months on end. He had tricked me every time and had me believe that I was only good enough for him. That I was getting older, and nobody would want me. And I'm only 38, just starting my career in nursing and trying to make a life. Well, we finally got our own house, a dog, and it seemed like we were in a fairytale. Because that's exactly what it was, a fairy tale.

I noticed myself trying to push him away because I didn't have the guts to leave him. I was tired of the drinking, the fighting, and everything that came with this relationship. Well, one day the verbal insults became abuse and I left. He felt he did nothing wrong and again tried to manipulate me back to him. And for the first time in the last two years with him, I told him no. And since that day, I have felt complete and total freedom. I had just survived a relationship with a narcissist.

Now that I have my new found freedom, I can be at peace and enjoy my space without being told what to do and how to do it. I can finally finish my school and begin a new life for myself. I feel like the fog has finally been lifted and I no longer live in fear. And I love myself for standing up to him. Finally free!