Gaslighting

Gaslighting:(verb) to manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

I believe this is a very important term for everyone to know, especially young women because we are so often easily taken advantage of. Any person attempting to gaslight you is essentially trying to brainwash you for their betterment. The term comes from the 1938 play Gaslight, where a man named Jack used gas powered lights to try to convince his wife that she was crazy so he could commit her to an insane asylum and take her inheritance all for himself. This play was later converted into a very popular classic movie featuring Ingrid Bergman (look it up).

We may not go through such a literal act of gaslighting in reality. We do still very much experience the effects of someone making us doubt our own thoughts and memories, though. I have experienced gaslighting from different people and many different times as a young woman. I feel it is my duty to help others understand the signs of this psychological assault, whether it be intentional or not.

Relationships are hard enough already but a relationship with a gaslighter is especially taxing. They are experts on deception and talking in circles. So, just when you think you're in agreement, they flip the script and have a special way of making you feel guilty or crazy. It's difficult to constantly wade through their accusations and underhanded insults to decipher what is really true. You eventually give in to the constant questioning of your memory. You start to completely rely on their ability to recall facts. You finally give up on your memory all together. That is the worst thing you could do. You're playing right into the gaslighter's brainwashing tactics. Once you give up on yourself you are at their mercy and you can be further manipulated in even more ways.

When you first met they seemed pretty normal, they didn't treat you badly then because you wouldn't have placed all your trust in them. They have to earn your trust to form an emotional bond with you. They start out warm, caring, and even charming. Everything seems perfect.. too perfect. Eventually they become your one and only form of feeling secure since you shut everyone else out because you are being lead to believe you are crazy. The fact that you only feel safe with them will be used against you, even though they caused you to feel this way. Gaslighters use your weaknesses against you. If you're afraid of being alone, they will consistently threaten to leave you or tell you nobody will ever love you like they do. Once you fear that you are losing your mind, they will repeatedly tell you that everything is your fault and imply that it is because you're crazy. Their statements will vary depending on what your personal fears are. No one who loves and respects you will hold your fears over your head.

Gaslighting isn't always so blatant. It starts out very subtle, so under handed that you don't realize what's happening at first. If you feel like you are crazy because someone is repeatedly accusing you of not remembering things the right way or that they don't know what you're talking about because it never happened, you have been gaslighted. LEAVE. If you always feel sad trying to figure out why you don't feel normal or you're questioning what is so bad about yourself but you just can't figure it out, you've been gaslighted. LEAVE. You are not crazy. You've had a crazy person tell you in assertive, aggressive way that you're wrong. They've told you this often enough to wharp your mind into believing that you are what is toxic and crazy. LEAVE.

As humans, we are naturally flawed. We make mistakes all the time. Yet, gaslighters seem to never mess up and definitely never apologize. Even if you catch them in the act of cheating, they will flip it around on you and never admit their fault. "Who are you going to believe, baby? Me..or your lying eyes?" If you've been gaslighted long enough you may actually believe "your lying eyes" over the obvious monster you've committed yourself to.

The best defense to gaslighting is confidence. If you stand confident in your beliefs and your truth, you can better combat your gaslighter's attack. If they can break down and destroy your confidence, they've won. In the beginning the accusations of going crazy may seem harmless or even playful. But, this is by no means healthy. It may be difficult to see at first but it is my intention to help others recognize the signs a little easier and get out as soon as possible. You will not change a gaslighter's perspective on anything, they are far too narcissistic to see beyond themselves. Know your worth and move on.