Gillette: Thoughts

Gillette has received a lot of responses after their new ad campaign. Before diving deeper into this, credit must be given to their team. They took a stance on a topic that has resulted in media buzz. Masculinity.

The new buzzword which has garnished even more response with the #MeToo campaign. Change is not the issue, it is needed and as a male, I know and understand that old attitudes need to be re-sculpted. Most of the responses for Gillette's stance have been positive. The issue that I do find in all of this is the attack on anything to do with masculinity.

Any traits these days tied to the "M word" are automatically associated with toxicity and in essence an evil lurking in the shadows. The cases of sexual assault, violence and other aspects of "manning up" or "don't be a girl" are pieces, I too, agree need to change. These pieces of are exasperated by media specifically Facebook, Youtubers, Twitter and the shows we all enjoy through various platforms. What I find odd with this trend of depiction is the hyper realization that it is running rampant in every corner of the world and that men as a whole need to apologize for being... male.

What I find confusing and muddied is the label of masculinity. First off, what is it? By definition, these are traits associated with being male. This is where it leaves a lot of grey area for debate. Treating people poorly I would not tie to being masculine or worthy of broaching that conversation. For me, this would be a value and moral issue that is being perpetuated by an individual and reinforced by like-minded individuals whether that be family or friends. We assume that men use terms like "man up" exclusively, but that being said, females will also use terms to berate and degrade males, in essence using the same thing we are saying needs to be removed.

This transfers into what Toxic Masculinity really is. A set of rules set in place to make others of less power, both male and female subservient to those in lead. We all have a hand in turning the tides in this. It is not men alone who need to change, it is society. One in which we do not sit idly by when we see something wrong or idolize those who break laws, bring harm. When we know in our hearts of hearts that this is not right, why do we pull out our phone to blind ourselves to the issue, to record when help could be used? This signals the bystander effect which has always been in place for society. We as individuals are terrified of being wrong, possibly getting hurt in some facet instead of leading by example.

I will argue that we have failed in more than one area as a society when it comes to future men. We do not teach, we tell. We do not explain, we demand. I very rarely see conversations being had by older adults towards young men on what it really means to be a man. In this aspect, we are failing our youth. We are all a part of the problem when we offer to do nothing but complain or hop on a bandwagon. Teaching and giving a strong role model to follow who a young man can engage with is more beneficial than having them idolize who they see on social media and TV

What the Gillette commercial does get right is showing that we as individuals can make meaningful change. I would also argue that the acts they show also depict a male who holds very strong masculine qualities, self-awareness and the ability to lead.

Masculine Traits

A man can fall under a few different categories which can be stretched out and brought to very detailed situations but for the sake of this article, I will keep it more general.

Masculinity is broken up into three simple areas:

Protect, Provide & Reside (Order of Man, R. Michler).

All of these tie to how a male interacts with his physical, intellectual, emotional, societal, relationships, communication and his ability to perform basic tasks such as DIY projects, nature and self defense.

Why do any of these matter? Masculine traits allow for a man to communicate with empathy, emotion, kindness, and compassion when dealing with others. Knowing when these traits are not needed, such as an intruder or individual threatening harm of some sort. For our everyday relationships, these can be used at different times when communicating with our partner, children, and close friends. It is an understanding when to stand by your moral convictions and having a code of betterment. Knowing when and how to implement skills correctly and using appropriate reflection time to learn from situations. Allowing an individual to build skill sets that will allow them greater ease throughout life, work and education.

Knowing that violence and aggression are needed at different points and how to harness that correctly. Sports of all kind are the embodiment of aggression and violence. No matter how you want to cut this, male and female athletes are competing to win a game of some sort. It may involve full contact and the goal is to do so with as much effort as possible. Knowing when to turn off the aggression, injured opponent or event is over, is how these traits are honed and fostered correctly. It is a way to release, what parents call, excess energy. By putting that energy towards a goal where life skills can be fostered and developed.

As an individual, bettering oneself for community, family, and self comes in a variety of manners. The pursuit of education, physical health, inter and intrapersonal skills. These can be done through becoming more active, reading, taking classes and practicing the above positive emotions of compassion, empathy etc.

It leads to men admitting they are wrong and shedding their ego. To express love and gratitude in a manner that is driven more than sex. By accepting the positives and fostering these positive masculine traits it builds stronger relationships, people, communities and by extensions society. It starts with the self acknowledging their shortcomings and areas that they lack in. By doing so steps can then be created to improve, continuing their growth. It is the confidence in oneself to know they are capable and versatile to stand on their own feet. To like what they like, be who they are and not causing harm with their choices.

Masculinity as a whole is positive and is not the direct opposite of femininity, if anything, they are two sides of the same coin and one needs the other to survive and blossom.

What Now?

What needs to occur to really cause change is to stop attacking every masculine trait around. We all know what is wrong and what is right. That is a great place to start but belittling someone because they feel that men should, in fact, be men and hold the above traits to better those around them and the people in their lives is asinine. By labeling all traits as toxic does not foster a conversation, it takes those away who would help build towards the same goal. The next time we assume it's a toxic trait take a look at the impact it is having. Hunting, fishing, and self-defense are three pieces that I have recently seen with this label. My question is if it is done legally and within the laws the govern the land how is it bad? How is the trait toxic, and perpetuating strong males to submit other males and females? This should be the measuring stick for all of this. Is it suppressing you, your family or your community? If not, then that track it would be deemed non-toxic. If you do not like it personally, then that is a different topic altogether. The hastiness that toxic is used consistently as a conversation ender and to take away credibility from speakers or individuals trying to inform or shed light on a topic needs to be revisited.

If you share a conflicting point a view, we have the option to disagree. This does not mean that it is a personal attack. It means, the moral stances and ideologies I hold do not agree. This is when a door can be opened to learn, communicate and build, even if a disagreement is still there.

What now? Well, a good spot would be to start listening and stop leading with highly charged emotion into each topic. Inform yourself, take 15 minutes to read and mull it over. What do you think? What is your set of values and codes? Before we can truly change, we need to change the way in which we approach discussion and debate. Approach the way in which we look to improve ourselves.