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Give Your Relationships a Fair Chance

Stop sabotaging your relationships with your preconceived beliefs.

I have to get something off my chest.

This bothers me about our society and I want to speak my mind about it.

A lot of people need to give their relationships their fair shake.

What do I mean, you ask?

Well, as young adults growing up, we are all indoctrinated to believe what our relationships should be like. From the relationships we observe in the movies to the relationships we watch in our television shows or even relationships, like our parents' relationship, in our day to day lives, we are socialized to believe how our relationships should be like.

This causes us to believe in what a relationship should look like and how we are supposed to behave in relationships. You know what I am talking about. With all those romantic comedies or even any other movie with a romantic plot or subplot, we are subconsciously being spoon-fed how relationships should function.

Also, imagine if you grew up with parents who had arguments all of the time, divorce attorneys over at the house all of the time, and who barely spoke to each other... This will probably cause you to have a distorted view of what relationships are supposed to be like.

These beliefs may seem harmless but they create “norms” on how your partner should behave. All the societal “norms” influence what is okay and not okay on a date or in a relationship. These “norms” create all kinds of expectations that, if they are not met, will create dissonance and disappointment. For example, our society has taught us that men should always make the first move and women should not be assertive. If men do not make the first move on a date, they are seen as too passive or second-class men…

If a girl is feeling a guy, go ahead and make a move. Who cares how society tells you you are supposed to act?

Or what about the norm that if a girl has sex on the first date, she is seen as “easy” or other promiscuous terms? If you like a guy and you are feeling him, then who cares if you decide to have sex with him on the first date or not?

Or even the belief that the man has to make more money than the female. Who cares? Does it make him any less of a life partner for making less money?

The point I am trying to make here is to take a gander at your beliefs and see how they are impacting your expectations for your relationships. If you believe your partner is “supposed” to do something, ask yourself first—why do you believe that?

If your answer is: it’s because everybody knows that they are "supposed to act this way"... it might be best to move on from this belief.

Here is a list of social norms you should be cognizant of and challenge.

The Solution

Drop the expectations. Stop thinking your partner is supposed to do something or act a certain way and just plain judging them.

Just be on the date and create your own beliefs through your own observations. Watch your thoughts and the stories you tell yourself. Most of the time, they are socially constructed.

Just drop your expectations and experience your relationships with the sole expectation of this person will be interesting to get to know. 

See for yourself if you are compatible with them as a partner without any preconceived expectations.