Go Ahead, Judge Me

I am sick and tired of hearing people preach about how we shouldn't judge others. We all judge everyone else whether you want to admit it or not. Every single person instantly forms opinions about other people in their mind when they meet them. Whether it be something small or something complimentary, we all still do it. We may later find out that opinion was wrong, or it might be proved to be correct. Whatever, it still happens and it is OK.

We need to stop being made to feel guilty about this natural occurrence of opinion. To not judge anyone at all is just plain unrealistic and judging people isn't really problematic. What can be problematic is how you deal with your initial opinions.

Judging someone instantly and sharing those judgements, especially if they are negative, when you do not have enough information to form an informed opinion about the person is problematic. You should not try and bring down their social status because you took an instant dislike to them for no valid reason.

Judging someone solely based on the judgements and opinions of another is problematic. I know this happens a lot and it can be difficult to avoid. You will most likely form a negative opinion of someone if a person that you are close to keeps feeding you damaging stories about them. Just try not to act on something that is just hearsay. If you have no personal proof or evidence, no matter how much you trust the person your information is coming from, leave it alone.

Judging someone and then being too stubborn to change your initial opinion even if it is proven to be false is problematic.

Letting a tiny part of what that person is (how they look, their career or their sexuality, for example) cloud your judgement on all other aspects of their life to form a misguided opinion is problematic.

Judging someone inwardly even though you are lacking information on them is not problematic, as long as you can look past whatever opinion formed in your mind when you have gotten to know them better. As long as you still give the person a chance, there is absolutely no harm done. Of course, who am I to tell you that you have to give everyone a chance? This is also unrealistic. There will always be people you don't gel with and I am not trying to say that once you get to know them better you will miraculously be best friends. I am not even saying that you have to give them a chance. I am saying that you shouldn't stop other people from giving them a chance just because you are unwilling to, for whatever reason.

It is also problematic, however, to feel guilt or shame surrounding fleeting thoughts that don't ever need to be shared. If you weren't sure enough about whatever the opinion was for it to make it past your lips you should not feel guilty about it. You have not added any negativity or false accusations into the world, so stop beating yourself up about it. Everyone has thoughts that they would rather not admit to or vocalise, so don't. Forget about it and move on.

There are so many people I have met that are good friends now, claiming they thought they would hate each other when they first met. They made initial judgements and changed their minds. It is natural. This situation probably occurs a lot more than we would like to admit. I certainly have experienced it before.

However, I am also not saying you should go out and aim to judge everybody you meet just for the sake of it. No. Just allow the natural and inevitable thoughts pass without pressure or shame or the need to be heard.

Judge and be judged, but also accept when you have misjudged.