Growing Pains

Growing up all I knew was church, church, and more church. I never had a choice and even as I got a little older I still had no choice because it was forced on me. My life surrounded by church was like a real bad dream for me because I never believed in someone or something telling anyone how to live their life. I’ve always felt that being happy with yourself and your life is what’s important, but for me growing up if you weren’t abiding by the laws of the church you were doomed. You were told what to eat and what to wear. You were told who to love and where your money should go. It was funny because in all of that there were certain parts they forgot to listen to.

What they didn’t forget was to let me know in their world I was going to Hell for loving a woman. While it was okay for them to judge people and put them down because they weren’t living how they wanted you to live. I had to pretend to like guys and have boyfriends, but most of them knew it was just for show and to get my mom off my back. I did a lot of things that I’m not proud of because I wasn’t true to myself. I had to make my mom proud of me and happy. In doing that I lost my own happiness. I did not stay true to who I was. I got so caught up in pleasing my mom that I forgot about myself. I did everything that was told of me but I felt like I was not truly living life. I felt like my feelings did not matter even if that meant being miserable. What was it that they were doing to me? I did not have the answer and I was lost. When I got older and was able to make my own choice that’s when I knew how I wanted to live. A life full of happiness and love. A life where I made the choice of who I wanted to be. I did not want anyone telling me who to love. All my life I like females and I was able to express myself once I started living for myself. Being in the church felt like slavery for me, where you were always told what to do. It’s like it was the law and if you break it you were cast out and exiled. Even to this day I can say I’m still the black sheep of my family but I’m at peace with it because while everyone else is worrying about my life I’m just living and enjoying it with my fiancée. In society nowadays you have to live up to others expectations. I refuse to have other people tell me how to run my life. I refuse to have other people to tell me if I don’t have this or that I’m a failure.Who are you to judge me and tell me about my own life? My family may never accept me but that’s okay because at the end of the day I’m happy. I still love them but I have to do what is right for me. Everyday I think about where my life was going and how things would have been so much harder for me had I continue to let people tell me how my life was going to go. I know that people may say 'oh you don’t believe in God,' and well that’s a different story for a different day.