Growing Up Bisexual

So, I guess it all began in my tween years. The years between childhood and teen, I always knew I was different. I never imagined that this is what separated myself from others. When I was around 11, I took notice of girls. I didn't think anything of it. As a matter of fact, I thought that everyone found females attractive. I always loved guys, though, and was completely enamored by them. Actually, I was known to be a bit boy-crazy. So again, I didn't think for one second that I was gay in anyway. It wasn't until I was well into adulthood that I actually was able to see myself with a woman. Even though I still loved men, I was falling for this woman. I never stood a chance with her. She was so beautiful in so many ways, and I was such a mess, emotionally, financially, and mentally. She was the person of my dreams, and I was too scared to even tell her that I liked girls, too. I was in denial. I couldn't admit it to myself, let alone a person I really wanted to be with. It took me years to admit to her that I even liked girls, too. It took me years to admit it to myself. Then I saw it: the video that changed everything. An actor on one of my favorite shows came out as both gender queer and bisexual. My goodness. That story really hit home as he spoke about falling in love with one of his friends as his awakening and how difficult it was for him to admit how he felt. It really touched me—not just his story, but his strength. I drew from his strength and finally told one of my cousins. I was completely unafraid of her response, as she too is LGBT+. I knew she would love me regardless. I told her about how, as a teenager, I was the only one of my female friends that had naked women on my walls and pro wrestlers on my ceiling, baffling all my friends on how my 4"10' self got them up there with no ladder. It's amazing what a little reflection can do. I know now that, no, I'm not weird—just different. I love differently. So, as I am telling my cousin about my teen years and how I had fallen for this woman, she asks me whether or not I will be sharing this with the rest of the family. I wasn't comfortable at the time, but I gave myself a date to do it, to tell my entire family: June 7, 2018. This date may seem of no consequence; however, it means everything to me. I was meeting an uncle for the very first time, and we were having a family reunion. Two birds, one stone! So, upon arrival, my heart is heavy and my stomach is in knots. I'm about to drop a bomb on my entire family. Or so I thought. As the final person arrives, everyone is setting up to eat, and I just had to. I couldn't hold it in any longer. So, I get everyone's attention: "Hey everyone, I have something to tell you. It's not that big of a deal, but I'm bisexual and felt you all should know"—underwhelming reactions all around.

"Oh, I know already," says one aunt. Complete relief and happiness washed over me. The reaction wasn't negative. Nobody had any questions or anything. I guess they really did already know. How did they know before me? The only comment that stands out to me is when one of my aunts said that they will always love me, regardless of who I love.

The next day, I was on cloud nine. I couldn't believe how everyone was so cavalier and in their own way incredibly supportive. I had to tell the world. I didn't know where else I could put it, except Facebook. All my friends and family were on there and anyone who I may not have informed of my revelation. This was important. Not important for them—it was important for me. I needed to say it: I'm bisexual. When I made my post, I received an outpouring of support. I couldn't believe how many people had my back and were more than OK with this part of me. It brought me to tears. Can we please make one thing abundantly clear? I did not choose this. I did not choose to love women, just as I never chose to love men. The only choice the people, my people, of the LGBT+ community make is to share this part of ourselves publicly.

This part of who I am, it has taken so long for me to come out and be myself. Hopefully, this story can touch someone else, as that actor did for me, and you can draw strength from me.