Lauren Rolf
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Guarded: The Story that Messed Me Up for Years

Part 1. How it Started

It all started over a year ago when my boyfriend, Peter, broke up with me. This was a very, very hard time for me. He and I remained friends, which wasn't a bad thing. During this break up… LITERALLY a few days after, if that, another guy messaged me, Collin. I already knew this guy because he was Peter’s friend from church. I had met him in the past and we DID NOT get along… at all. He was a jerk. He was horrible and even just thinking about it makes me almost cry. He would do and say things to me that would make me break down. It got to the point where my family saw how much it was hurting me, and I was not allowed to be in the same room or even building as him. He was AWFUL. However, looking back on it, after every tease or remark, he would look at me like he knew something. Anyways, back to the story.

So Peter broke up with me and Collin started talking to me. I don't remember if it was the day we started talking or the next day… but he starting talking seriously. He is the type of guy that means NOTHING that he says. He’s very carefree and is ALWAYS joking. So when he got serious on me, I was shocked. We started off the conversation just talking like normal, joking (we had the same sense of humor), and then he said “Lauren, don't you see it?” or something like that. I am the type of person who gets very drawn in to stuff like that, which also sucks. So I said, "See what?” 

And he was like, “I know you’ve noticed how perfect we are together. It’s been there since we met.” I responded with “Haha, whatever. Sick joke. That’s dumb. Quit messing with me,” and other things like that. He continued with, “We are the same. You know every time I was messing with you, I was flirting. We have this back and forth tension that is so undeniably real.” 

At this point, I was whipped. I asked him to elaborate. He went on with more comments like that and then moved on to my physicality. He said, “Every time anyone asks me what my perfect girl looks like, I pull up your profile. You are perfect to me, I’ve thought so ever since Peter showed me a picture of you on his phone the first day y’all started talking.” At this point, my heart was shaking. I remember my hands shaking and having no words. I kept saying back, “If you're lying, I’m never going to talk to you again.” Him saying these things to me was the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. They are the single reason I am how I am today. 

Later on that night, he said, “Meet with me tomorrow and I'll prove it. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very long time.” We ended the night with a goodnight message and everything in me was so happy.

The next day rolled around and I told my mom everything. I just remember how shocked she was. I told her that Collin wanted to see me and she said “If he is brave enough to show up after doing everything he has done, I’ll talk to him.” Since Collin was so serious about everything he had said, I met with him, however, not in private. I was studying for a chemistry final, and my friend, Chris, had just finished Chemistry. I invited Chris over to help me with studying. Chris was good friends with Collin. Collin and I managed to convince Chris to bring Collin when he came over that night. At this point, Chris knew nothing about what was going on between Collin and me. When they got to my house, we all sat at my dining room table to study. Collin and I were across from each other, and Chris was sitting next to me. While I was working with Chris, Collin, being very bold, began roaming around my house. He went in a room and laid on the couch. Jokingly, Collin called to me with a British accent saying, “Lauren, darling, will you fetch me a glass of water?” Collin said stuff like this all the time so it didn't even faze me or Chris. I yelled back, “Collin dear, you can get your own freaking water.” Everyone laughed and we all moved on.

When Chris and I finished with chemistry, we all had nothing better to do, so we went to my basement and sat down to watch That 70’s Show. Collin and I sat on the reclinable love seat, while Chris sat in the reclinable rocking chair next to us. Everything was going well until Collin put the foot up and bent his knee (so Chris couldn’t see what was happening past it) and put his hand on my thigh. I didn’t do anything back; I just smiled. Collin then looked at Chris and said, “Hey, Chrissy boy, will you go get me a phone charger from the truck?” The truck was parked in front of my house. This is when Chris began to catch on, so he left. As soon as Chris turned the corner on the stairs, Collin put his arm around me and looked at me. He looked deep into me with the ice blue eyes that are as cold as his heart. He looked at me and kissed me. The kiss itself was not that great, but the fact that it was him made my heart soar. Everything felt so right and so perfect.

Chris came back downstairs after a few minutes and gave Collin the charger. Collin got up and plugged in his phone, which was really about to die, and came and sat back down with me. Throughout the evening, Collin would do things that would make me so aggravated. I would just lean forward so I didn't have to look at him anymore. However, Collin knew just what to do. He would put his hand on my back and slowly start rubbing it, saying “I’m sorry, sweetie. Please come back.” This action in particular is one thing that made me fall for him. In my mind, it was him showing me that even though he will make me so mad sometimes, he will always be there to comfort me, even when it’s something stupid. Everything Collin did that night was done with such deep care. He was perfect. The night ended and the guys left. Chris lives in the same neighborhood as I do. Collin was staying the night over at Chris’s so it worked out well.

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