Hanging Out and Heteronormativity

This story is one that has been screaming to be told! I’ve been thinking about this for months, especially since I thought moving to Toronto would be a lot different.

I’m sorry for using just a dirty word as heteronormativity in the title, but I strongly believe it is necessary, and by the end of this story, you will not only agree with me but you’ll also revere in my annoyances!

For the record, as far as records go, I am straight. Also, yes, I am white and Canadian and I fully realize the privilege those things have granted me. Which is what makes what I’m about to talk about even more important.

Halifax (Nova Scotia) Pride Parade 2015

I’ve been an ally of the LGBTQ+ community for as long as I remember. Although I have never had a homosexual relationship, I strongly adhere to the belief that sexuality is way more fluid than it is steady. At the end of the day, it isn’t a big deal what type of relationships other people engage in; if you care so much, then I would be inclined to ask why you spend so much of your time and mental energy thinking about the ways other people consummate their relationships.

Corey (seen above in Toronto Pride photo) has been one of my friends since at least elementary school when we were both in the school choir. We ended up in the same college, university, and even similar grad school programs!

With aligning goals and interests, we decided to take up a condo lease in the Greater Toronto Area to explore, adventure, and best of all to feed off of each other’s experiences for mutual growth and overall awareness and success in our respected fields. Since the beginning of June this year, we have been living together and having the time of our lives, to say the least.

One thing I have learned through all of the above mentioned ventures, and from my friendship with Corey, is that it is important for those of us with a voice and the will to stand up for change and to support our brothers and sisters who don’t have our power.

I’m one of those people who believes in supporting pride and advocating for the LGBTQ community is crucial to the progression of society and marginalized peoples.

Corey is a gay man who, from sharing his many personal, educational, and professional experiences, has shown me that homophobia is one of those taboo things that people like to pretend doesn’t exist at all.

I’m with them, to be honest! I wish homophobia didn’t exist too! I also wish this wasn’t something we absolutely have to scream from the rooftops.

For the past five months now, I have been living with Corey, and naturally, as best friends and roommates, we not only hang out a lot, but we also go places together...

This is where things get all "this is important for me to say..."

I hereby express my unapologetic declaration that homophobia and Heteronormativity are very real, whether or not you chose to humour the existence or effect they have throughout society.

Here is the first of my two most prominent examples that back up the huge claim I just made.

Several months ago, I published a blog to my website that was inspired by a homophobic experience I had while walking downtown Brampton (a city in the Greater Toronto Area).

Memoirs From A Previous Blog Post

When crossing a main road with Corey, we passed a group of young boys who were pointing out a man driving down the street when one exclaimed, “Look at the gay guy on the bike!”

Hillary Wellsford: Self-reflecting on a Homophobic Experience

Appalled, I took right to my rages. I felt like it was ridiculous that gay people are submitted to this type of societal effects on a daily basis. What set me off even more was Corey’s inclination to just ignore the whole situation because he just sees it way too often.

Fast forward through many hangouts, city walks, restaurant meals, and simple trips to our nearby coffee shop.

All over the GTA, Corey and I have found ourselves discussing over and over again that everywhere we go, we are treated like a couple.

Everywhere from the 24/7 grocery store near our condo, to the Second Cup, and even dive Asian restaurants in Brampton, people have treated us like a couple.

Automatically when we’re in social situations, we find the people around us trying to assume us into a long term heterosexual relationship.

I’d love to say I have no clue in the world as to why people (especially servers, cashiers, and bartenders) want us to be in a relationship so badly, but the reality is, I know exactly why they do it.

Trying to have a platonic dinner date with my roommate, do you mind?

Let me explain:

I am a girl.

My roommate is a boy.

We hang out in public sometimes.

We are not in a relationship.

He does not pay for anything I order.

I’m not sharing my dessert!

Okay, that last one sounded selfish... but it won’t when I tell you what happens every single time Corey and I go somewhere together.

In restaurants, they hand him the bill. In coffee shops, they give us two forks for the personal sized cheesecake I ordered for myself (he doesn’t even like cheesecake)!

Here’s what I’m tired of: I’m tired of people assuming that I’m in a straight relationship with a straight man simply because I am a girl and he is a boy and we’re standing or sitting next to each other.

Heteronormativity is defined as basically identifying as the gender that aligns socially with the sex you were born into, you are hetereosexal, meaning you are romantically interested in people of the opposite sex.

Like I said before... I am a girl, I do not date girls. My roommate is a boy, he has a boyfriend. He does not pay for the food I order, and he doesn’t get half of my dessert.

I’m tired of everyone assuming that I’m in a straight relationship with my roommate just because he’s a boy. I’m tired of seeing my best friend be subjected to daily ridicule from the events forementioned in my blog above. And I’m not going to stop until people everywhere actually ask us if we’re friends before assuming we’re in a relationship.

Please, people everywhere, stopping assuming everybody around you is, or should be, straight or whatever your idea of normal is.

There is a whole world of identities, sexualities, and relationship types in the world. Let’s start acting like it so these marginalized groups can have their voice, and so they can stand on the shoulders of our privileges!