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I remember when I was in middle and high school, writing stories about young adults who fell in love in some crazy circumstance, and ended up living their wildest dreams. They were rich and privileged and got everything that they wanted out of life. For small periods of time they struggled, but they always came up quickly. I dreamed that life for me would somehow be this way, that I would just bump into a perfect man, lock eyes, fall in love, then get rich quickly, and be able to do all the things that I wrote about when I was young.
Life does not always grant such luxuries.
In fact, in most of the time it does not.
When I went to college I was still this naive. My first day of band camp ("one time at band camp," haha. I know) I met this senior. He was charismatic and funny and pretty easy to talk to. He was trying to be a doctor. He wanted me, and called me his, and I eventually decided that I would stay in this relationship, thinking it would be a dream come true.
He was an asshole and I regret ever dealing with his lying, cheating, stealing, abusive, angry self.
That experience changed me. It brought me down to Earth, hard. I was always sad, always hurt. Always broke from giving him my money. Always trapped in his apartment. And contrary to my storybook belief, the period of SUFFERING seemed to last FOREVER. I stayed in that relationship for almost two years before he had to break up with me for distancing myself. I was sick of him and how he made me feel, but I couldn't leave on my own because I was afraid of how he'd hurt me physically or socially.
A few months after he broke up with me, he got engaged.
You're probably thinking "WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Yes, I'm so serious, and when I heard, it was hilarious. But this event marked, for me, the point where I had to let him go completely. I had to stop blaming him for the pain that continued after he was gone, and start trying to LIVE.
Let's go back now for a moment, to band camp.
At the same time I met this guy we were just speaking of, I met this other guy, goofy and funny, very forward with the ladies. He was a drummer and my dad always told me to stay away from drummers.
"They're neanderthals with sticks" he says.
It's funny because my dad also played drums. Anyway, when I met him, I had no intention of making a relationship with him. I knew how college went. Everyone is just having sex, and doing drugs, and drinking, and wishing the world would just end already. I figured that would be the only thing to come out of any type of relationship with this guy. For whatever reason, a lot of women assume that certain types of guys are soulless and have no real personalities, because of what we see on the outside.
On the inside of this highly sexually active, drum beating, cannabis connoisseur, was the most beautiful soul I've ever come into contact with. An intellectual, fearless, spiritual, musical. He loved to have fun, but could always get the job done. He was a lot like me, before the trauma, and we connected that way. We hung out and had long talks all the time. He was my best friend. But I ended up in this relationship with that other guy, and he told me that I could not talk to my best friend.
For months I snuck around, just trying to text him at least. Whenever the guy found out, he would always spazz and we would fight. But my best friend was always around. He'd always say that we weren't supposed to talk and did his best to respect our relationship, but I would not leave him alone. He was the only peace I could find in my life and I refused to let him go.
He's my boyfriend now. We're building a life together. Adventure awaits!! I'm so excited. I love him to infinity and beyond, and back again.
For a long time I was ashamed of my story and I never wanted to tell anyone about what I had gone through. I was embarrassed because my life wasn't some fairy tale and it was all because I was childish enough to put my whole heart and soul into someone I did not know. But then I thought for a while and realized, this would make a good book!
The drama! The romance! The heartbreak! The happiness and fun that eventually made its way into the plot.
I've likened my life unto a book now, and promised myself that there would be a happy ending, because it's just another one that I'm writing. There's going to be plot twists and turns, and there will be plenty of writer's block. But I'm determined to make this book the best book ever!
I encourage all of you to chase those dreams from your youth. Life is too short, the world isn't as wide as it seems, and whatever happens, it'll make a great story later.