Happiness

Not to sound depressed—which I’m pretty sure we’ve all thought this before but—life sucks. Life is filled with challenges, some small and some big. For me, everyday seems to be a challenge and I’m wondering if it gets easier. In my adolescence I couldn’t wait to be an adult, in my mind that would START my life as if I wasn’t already living. I remember planning for the future, as all little girls do. The plan was to be beautiful, rich ,have tons of friends and party very often. Yet, here I am, 21 years old and I’m average asf, working poor, and I kid you not-I have 1 friend. How did I get here...It feels like the prime of my life is more like my head being held under water.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I laugh a lot! I love my dogs. I love my family. I attend concerts to boost my mood lol. I like social media and post just as much as any 21 year old. I enjoy coffee and hazelnut spread on toast. I enjoy things. You won’t just hear complaints from me. In fact, you’ll rarely hear me complain. I’m aware that there are joys to life but I can’t seem to figure out how to make it last longer. How does one find happiness?

I feel like in some way the pursuit of happiness is a catch 22. People say things along the lines of, Do what you love and you’ll be happy or ugh this one I hate—“be positive”. Although, whose to say that’s all it takes, plus the fact that most people don’t love working on the fryer at your local McDonald’s either but bills have to be paid. I hate even the mention of money in a discussion about happiness...but yeah, it correlates! Every is pissy when broke, but come payday and they’re smiling from ear to ear. Which is why finances can stop you from doing what you love, in result, sadness. Furthermore, once you’re sad, even about something as small as dropping your ice cream cone on the floor to something as big as an unfortunate death- the last thing you want to hear is,“be positive”. I feel like the phrase is saying get over it basically. It neglects the actual stem of the problem and could make the person actually feel guilty for being sad. Like the saying goes “look on the bright side”, but on a snowy morning in New York could one look on the bright side? No. I guess what I’m trying to say is, sometimes there is no bright side. I know how that feels.

Perhaps in order to achieve happiness we need to accept that there is much sadness on earth. Life really is like a pendulum. My Sister always used to say that and, “One day you’re up, then the next you’re down.” I think I could agree with that at this age. When the pendulum swings back to your end, we have to fight ourselves to not be stagnant before the pendulum goes away and the stresses of life flood. I have a bad habit of doing this, staying content and comfortable. Knowing damn well the way my life is set up, I need to always be moving forward and striving so that one day I can be at least decent, weathy and have like minded friends.

In the end, we’re all trying to figure life out but, sometimes it seems like I’m the only one who feel like they’re physically fighting to find joys of life. I see people all the time who appear to be just living. Just living. Not bothered by anything, Must be nice. Lol