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He Didn't Trust Me

I did nothing.

I don't even know if I should consider it as a relationship.

I'm not sure if this even counts as a relationship. I mean, who's to tell what even counts and what doesn't anymore, right? To me, it was puppy love and pressure. I never dated before this, I guess I would say, incident. I never knew what to do during these things (dating) and I never knew how to approach and respond to situations. 

Towards the end of my freshman year in high school, a guy (let's label him "S") in my math class and I got closer and talked a lot. Constant texting, flirting, whatever you want to say (I totally want to throw up just typing this up). At the time, I was unsure about how I felt. I liked him, yes. I had a crush on him and all that but I wasn't sure if I was ready for a relationship. I was really committed to my studies and my parents weren't very open with me dating. Besides all that, we still talked and got to know each other. 

One day, S asked me to join him to buy a drink after school. It was me, him, and his group of friends. While we were walking, one of his best friends (we will label "E") popped a question that pressured S and me. 

E: "So when are you guys gonna start dating already?"

With the pressure, S just found it necessary to ask me out on the spot. And me, not knowing how to take the situation and not knowing what to do, just said yes. I honestly have no idea what was running through my head at the time. I guess I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his friends. I was super pressured and I didn't know how or what to respond. 

Now you know why I question whether or not I should consider it as an actual relationship I had. I mean, I spent six months with him. Sacrificing and lying to my parents just to hang out with him. I never told my parents, I always lied and made excuses just to be with him. I mean, I was obsessed because I was being given attention. He was my first kiss and we always made out. Puppy love. That's all I looked for I guess and I never really knew my true feelings for him. I guess now that I type and say it, I sound like such a horrible person. But can you blame me? I seriously did not even know what I was getting myself into. I was a confused 15-year-old who did not know how to read her own feelings. 

Moving on, sophomore year started and yes, we were still "dating." During the course of when we started up to the beginning of sophomore year, we had constant fights and arguments because he had trust issues. He would tell me that his past relationships, the girl would leave him because they established a crush on his best friend, E. I promised him numerous times that I wouldn't, I had no reason to. 

One day, S and I were waiting at a bus stop to go on our "monthsary date" (Ew). Some of his friends were there, including E. I noticed that E looked upset so I went up to him to ask what was wrong. He didn't budge so I said he is more than welcome to talk to me if he needed someone. In my head, I thought it was appropriate because he was one of my current boyfriend's best friends so I wanted to be friends too. But later that day, S talked to me because he was all concerned as to why I was chatting with E. Of course, I explained with all honesty. He got over it but I knew it still bothered him. How did I know? Because the following day, I checked up on E to make sure he was doing all right and S confronted me again. I explained that I only wanted to be friends with his friends. Is that so bad?

Anyways, he constantly brought up fights and arguments over his assumptions that I'm getting "closer" with his best friend and may end up crushing on him like his exes did. But I live up to my promises. He just didn't trust me. Also, why value a relationship over your friendship? They have been best friends since kindergarten. 

Moving on... A few months into sophomore year, S volunteered to join dance for our school rallies. This means he got busy during school and would practice during lunch and break. One day I see him hanging out with a girl. I ask him who she is and he then claims that "She's just a friend who's lonely so I thought of joining her into our group." I trusted him so it didn't bother me. Then I realized the girl was in my P.E. class and I started talking to her since she'd be part of the group. I got to know her and we got close and she told me she had a lot of friends. Bottom line is; S lied to me about her not having friends and needing some. Basically, he used her to make me jealous. Funny because when I told her about it, she told me what he said wasn't true and that he was trying to hit on her. In my head, he tried "getting back at me" for helping his best friend, even though I did nothing. 

A few nights later, we had a talk. I basically told him I lost my trust for him because he chose to take action over something that was not even true (no idea if that sentence made sense). He assumed that I was getting closer with his best friend and might replace him, so he took action by trying to get back at me. So what does he do after I told him I lost trust for him? He dumps me. Ridiculous. And you know what's worse about that? He called on a group Skype call with two of his other pals and dumped me there. I swear, I was more mad and confused than hurt. 

He didn't trust me. And because of his distrust, I ended up not trusting him either. Yet he had the audacity to break up with me when I did nothing. I. Did. Nothing.