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He Left, I Shattered

He came in and I made him king.

By alexandria UrrutiaPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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He always said the right things, always knew what to do or say to get under my skin. He was very good at playing games and I fell for every single one. He was a charmer. He was a liar and he was my very first love.

He worked pretty fast once I let him into my life. We were just high schoolers but we knew we were meant to be. We declared we were going to be married and have beautiful babies. We dreamed up our forever home and told stories about our little family.

They were all just dreams. Never real. Never going to happen.

We ended up in a long distance relationship and it became more and more toxic. We were lying to each other. We were so desparate we did not even care what the other said so long as we ended those sad phone calls with us both sobbing that neither wanted anyone else.

I lost myself in him. I wanted nothing more than to make him happy. Be a loving wife to him and a caring mommy to his future children. I was willing to work for our family. I was willing to drive countless miles just to see him. I defied my parents numerous times to the point I was about to be kicked out and have the cops called on me for "stealing" a car. I slept on train station benches. Walked all over the city when I ran off from home. Scraped all of my money together to buy us the train tickets, the snacks, and the hotel rooms. I was willing to risk my career and my college degree all for him and our forever together.

All of that I went through just so he would buy me that ring and we would run off together.

That did not happen though. The week before I was to go back for spring semester, my life ended. I had not heard from him in over a week and I was desparate. I called and texted his mother because naturally he did not have a phone since he had no money. I was trying to contact all of his friends and co-workers but they all blew me off. I went to the train station and sat there all day just because I thought I was going to run into him. The next day he called.

Told me were over and done. That he cheated on me and that he never trusted me. Said that he never meant any of what he said when we talked about the future. Said to never speak to him again.

After all of that, hearing every word but not grasping what it meant, I demanded to know when the train was leaving so he could say it all to my face. He said I had an hour and then he was gone. That last sentence he told me still haunts me today. I can't seem to get over how he said it so coldly and with no remorse or sadness.

The train station is 90 minutes from my mom's house and I jumped in the car. I sped off with my mom yelling from the house. She called me and all I could say was I would explain when I got back home. I pretty much broke all the speed limits and I didn't even care that I could get in trouble. I just needed to see him, to convince him not to let this go.

I frantically parked, ran into the station and found him standing there. He was wearing his navy coat and was carrying his duffel bag. All I wanted was to run into his arms but he just stared at me.

The train was about to leave in ten minutes and I begged him not to leave me. Begged him to think of our future children. Begged him to say it to my face that he didn't love me and that he never did. Yet, even after all of that, I still got on the train with him and paid for my ticket to Chicago. The entire ride consisted of crying and begging, by the time we got in the city, he agreed we would try one more time.

I spent the week there with him. Reassured that all was going to work out. That we were going to make it. That we passed the tests and that we were going to start out forever together, after I finished the semester.

Once the week was up, he took me back to the train station. He held me as we were waiting for the train to come. He held my hand, sang me our songs and told me stories of our wedding day. The train rolled in, he gave me a huge hug and one last kiss. I felt something different in that kiss, like all my stress melted away. He wiped my tears away and stood outside my window. I waved and he blew me kisses. He used the Wi-Fi at the train station so we could talk. The last message I sent him was that I was very sorry for everything and that I was never going to hurt him again.

I got home around 12 AM and then fell asleep. I was determined to deal with the consequences from my parents in the morning after I slept it off. I crashed hard after I was in bed. So exhausted and ready for the rest. I had a dream about him but it ended abruptly when I woke up. It was four in the morning and I knew something was off. Suddenly my phone started going off with message after message.

He said we were done and he never wanted to hear from me again. He blocked my number. Blocked my Snapchat. Blocked my Instagram. Blocked my Kik.

He just left. He shattered everything I had and left.

breakups
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About the Creator

alexandria Urrutia

Just a young adult navigating and exploring. I write authentic feelings and emotions. Welcome to my troubles, anxieties and mental instabilities. Now with an extra add on....im a mom now.

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