He Slept with His Ex

As the saying goes, "Things must get worse before they can get better."

After minor successes and a ton of attempts to help him get his addiction under control, all hell broke loose. We have some issues outside of the addiction that had previously caused some unease in our relationship. I thought we had moved past those problems, but instead, one conversation about them brought our whole relationship crashing down.

We went through weeks of being in an on-and-off relationship before we finally split for real. In that time, he was cold and harsh with me. After two years of telling me that he loved me, he told me he didn't know if he loved me now or if he ever did. On top of that, he mentioned that he wanted to be single. He acted as if I was the problem or was holding him back in some way. In reality, his past just kept catching up with him and he was too weak to confront it.

To make a long story short, my boyfriend of two years ended up sleeping with his ex. This was only three days after we officially split up. I was heartbroken because that was the one thing I told him not to do. I'm strong, but I wasn't sure if I could forgive him if he went there. They have a long history and I felt like it meant that he had unresolved feelings for her. To make things worse, they have a son together. Therefore, I still have to deal with him and his ex being around each other on a weekly basis. After he did it, he came clean and asked me to consider being with him again. I was torn because I felt like the only reason he made sure we were broken up was so that he wouldn't be labeled a "cheater." It felt like he just wanted to have his cake and eat it, too. It took months of arguments, changes, compromises, and plans for counseling for us to begin to move forward.

Since then, he has reflected on his mistakes. He's explained repeatedly that he doesn't have feelings for his ex, and that he knows now that he let his addiction get the best of him. She offered and he was weak enough to not resist his urges. Unfortunately, that statement doesn't change how much what he did hurt me. Fortunately, it does clear up some of the things that he said to me during our breakup. I have noticed that he gets very mean when he is having a hard time with his addiction. He also came clean about the fact that he binge-watched porn the whole time we were having problems. He just felt like he wanted to give up and live his life without being held to the high expectations that I have for him.

Overall, it was a very hard month for our relationship. I was very scared that we would never recover or get back to the way we were before. Luckily, we did recover, and now are better than ever.

I don't say this to scare people, but sometimes it takes an addict hitting a really low point for them to realize how much they need to change. I don't wish any cheating situation on anyone. But if you want to fight this addiction, there's a real chance that you will have to put your foot down often. The only reason he and I are back together is because he made a complete turn around and is now back to being the guy I fell in love with to begin with.