Heartbreak

Chapter One:

You start to question yourself on whether or not you’re good enough, wondering where you could have possibly gone wrong, sitting there trying to analyze the situation and trying to figure out a way to fix it, but here’s the thing, you can’t. Welcome to the story on my first love. It all started with the usual Facebook posts — yup that’s where I met him, and little did I know we went to the same school together. One night I’m scrolling on my Facebook and as usual I got bored and started liking people’s statuses and posts and I came across his, the guy who broke me into pieces. So there he is messaging me on his truth towards me and he started off with, “you’re beautiful, but that’s stating the obvious, truth is, you should say hi sometime at school.” Long story short, we got to know each other better on social media. Then it came to that day when I finally met him in person. I’m walking to class on a Monday afternoon, and he approached me, etc. You guys should probably know by now that we talked, we met, and day by day we started to hangout and talk more and he told me these things like, “you’re beautiful, you’re funny, I love your smile,” etc. A year and a half later, there we were. Everyone at school knew about us, we were inseparable, he was my best friend, my go to, my first love, we did about everything together and everyone swore that him and I were gonna make it out of high school together and be those high school sweethearts and I had no doubt about it. I was head-over-heels for this guy until that day came. The arguments rose, the hate you’s more than the I love you's, the I’m sorry's, the crying, the frustration — everything. It seemed like everything I did or said would ruin something, but God did have a way of making things seem like it was okay. We’d argue then minutes later we’d be laughing until our stomachs hurt. He was everything I ever wanted in someone. I could have sworn on my life I was going to marry this guy and grow as a family with him and have this amazing life together. I was in love with him and nothing he ever did or said would change that. Then June 10, 2015 was when it all came rolling down, as if someone came and hit me in my stomach with a bat about a thousand times. One year and eight months in I had found it all out...

He had been cheating on me for three months and me — ha, well, clueless as a bee, I had no idea. That day felt like the worst. He had asked me to go over a day before and he had told me what time would be good, but for some reason that day, that fucking day, something was telling me to surprise him and go early. His parents worked mornings so that Saturday morning no one was home but him, so I thought. So there I go, excited to see him and give him a surprise, and when I got there, his friend had seen me and ran after me, trying to distract me from going inside his house, which I thought was super weird. He kept begging me to wait outside for him and kept trying to distract me, etc. then finally I had gotten through his door and as soon as I opened it, that’s when I saw, I saw him standing there giving his love to another girl...and God, when I saw that, I froze. I stood there frozen, couldn’t find the exact words to tell him anything, I just stood there numb, crying tear after tear. I couldn’t stand to see him or to talk to him, I just walked away without saying a word, and of course he went after me, trying to convince me it was nothing, that she was nothing and how much of a mistake he had just done, and how much he hated himself for it, but I ignored him and kept walking away. He grabbed me by the arm and begged me to look at him, but I couldn’t. I was broken, I didn’t know what to say or how to feel. I was just numb. My mind went blank. I stood there crying tear after tear and all I could see was him there saying stuff I didn’t understand, words I didn’t wanna hear. I finally pushed him away and told him to leave me alone. I yelled at him, telling him how much I hated him for what he did — so much hate words in such a little amount of time, and I walked away, and still I hoped that he would run after me again in hopes everything would be okay, that he’d hug me and kiss me, and tell me that he was sorry and that we’d be okay. But it was the opposite, he had turned around and by the time I knew it, he was gone. I had gone home that day. I ran into my room and destroyed everything. I was so frustrated, and sad, and I didn’t know how to feel. I screamed and I cried, I tore down our pictures, our posters, I ruined my bed, threw everything on my dresser to the floor, screaming and crying my eyes out, asking myself why I wasn’t good enough, what did I do to make him feel that way. I was hopeless. So I just laid there in bed crying myself to sleep.

By now, you’d probably think, okay he cheated, he broke you, you broke up and moved on. But no, ha, you see for me it wasn’t that easy, it was something about him that kept me wanting more, so I waited and waited for him to call me, to text me, to say something, anything. I didn't care, but he didn’t. And at this point, you’d probably think I learned right, but I didn’t. There I was texting him, calling him, wanting a response, an answer to my questions, but I was ignored. Then Monday came around and I didn’t go to school. Tuesday came around, I didn’t go to school, Wednesday and Thursday, still nothing. Then Friday came and my mom told me I couldn’t miss anymore, so I had to go. Me and him had Ceramics together, but I was still broken. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see him or not, but at the same time, I had hopes that he would want to see me and tell me something. Fifth period came around and I just sat down right away, had my earphones plugged in and was trying so hard not to cry in front of him. Oh and did I mention, he sat right next to me? Amazing, right? No. That day I remember his friend Eric had seen me, he saw across my seat. He looked at him and back to me, over and over, and he came over and asked if I was okay. I stayed quiet and I broke. I lost it and couldn’t stop crying. I hated feeling the way I did and I couldn’t help to think about everything that him and I had gone through and how it all just ended with just one mistake. I tried to control myself, but I couldn’t help but just cry and once I started crying, Eric just sat there and hugged me. My Ceramics teacher had seen me crying and it was odd to him, cause he’d always see me happy and smiling and acting goofy. He came over and asked if I needed a minute and I just sat there frozen again. So he had taken me outside, so I could get air and he told me, look IDK what you’re going through right now, but I could promise you whatever it might be, it’s going to get better, you’re going to be okay, and I’m going to see that happy Gabby, I always see, walk into my class. Okay? It’s going to be okay. And I just stood there crying and he asked me if I wanted to talk about it with him or anyone and I said no, it’s fine, I’m fine and he just looked at me and said, it’s not about that Kevin boy is it ? Is he the cause of this ? And I cried even more and I said no, it’s not, really, I’m fine, and I walked back inside. Then the bell rang and Eric ran towards me and he was telling me stuff like, it’s going to be okay, etc., etc. Then out of nowhere, my ex came up to me and started telling me stuff, but I couldn’t hear what he was telling me. I stood there spaced out. All I saw were his lips moving and I walked away. Two months passed and guess what, I was back with him. Like I learned anything, right? But no, I didn’t, and with no surprise, he still was cheating. But at this point I was okay with it. Why ? All because I didn’t want to lose him again. So I would sit there and put up a front for him, do anything for him, give him everything he asked for. I was like his little puppy, just chasing him around and all because I didn’t want to lose him to another girl. It was so unhealthy. I was so caught up in his world, I didn’t see the right or wrong of anything. And the funny thing is, the girl knew about me and him. We both stayed, but in my head, I felt like I had more hope with him, because the other girl lived in another city. Crazy, isn’t it? There I was, in love with a boy who didn’t love me back. Then our two year anniversary came around the corner. I was so happy to see him that day at school. At this point I was just too into it. I was too deep inside with him. I didn't know myself anymore. And that day was my second worst day.

It was lunch time and I was with my group of friends, etc. and I saw him from a distance, walking towards my table, and when he got there, his first words were, “Can we talk?” and he had pulled me aside and started telling me he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t be with me, he was breaking up with me, because it was too hard for him to deal with having two people fight over him. It was hard for him to see me breaking inside because of him. I was the one breaking the most, because I didn’t wan to lose him and he couldn’t fucking deal with it. He had me thinking it was all my fault for why he had done what he did. I hated him. I was disgusted. I couldn’t look at him anymore and that’s when I blew. I told him “I’m fucking breaking my heart here for you to be fucking happy, and give you what you need, and everything you ask for, just to see you happy. You have another girl doing the fucking same and YOU can’t deal with it?!?! Fucking pathetic. You’re fucking worthless. I hate you. I fucking hate you for making me fall in love with you. I should’ve known. I should have just stayed away the first time and not forgave you.” etc. And at that point I was done. I had no more words for him. I felt nothing for him anymore. The summer came around and I finally grew out of it and forgot about him and I was so relieved after that.

Moral of the story, don’t be that fool that’s in love with the wrong person. Realize the wrong, before it’s too late. You don’t have to be in an unhealthy relationship. And whatever it is you might be going through, it’s going to be okay. Don’t give up just yet. I promise God had a plan for you and I myself am a witness. After that bad relationship and heartbreak I went through, I found myself happy with someone I never thought I’d be in love with. Two years together and I’m happier than ever. God has a plan for everyone. I promise that guys.