Here's What's Going On

This is a story about the reality of a relationship and a Tiffany bracelet. It’s been 7 months since I was given the bracelet, the very same one he first put on the right side of my wrist. Yesterday, I took it off for the very first time and have not put it back on since. I have no plans to put it back on.

As I look back on this past relationship, I realize the whole thing was based on control. It wasn’t me controlling it, it was him controlling me. It was my assumption what he was doing was based on love. I loved him like no other. Now, I’m able to see what was really going on and it was him controlling me.

How could I have been so blind? I didn’t see the signs, or if I did, I refused to believe them. Anytime I did something he didn’t like (like me acting jealous or insecure) he would “punish me”. We were supposed to be going on a trip with his family to Jamaica. Prior to the trip, it just so happen I “acted up” and I did not get to go on that trip. A form of punishment for my behavior.

They were gone for 9 days. When they came back, we watched the pictures they took from the trip. For 9 days I was left feeling guilty knowing people I cared for were together on a trip, that I was supposed to be on as well. The only trip, I went on was a guilt trip. Then when they came home, they shared the pictures with me from their adventure. Was I happy for them? Sure, but I also felt like a scolded child. “See what you could have had, if you hadn’t acted up?"

A few weeks prior, when I asked my significant other if he booked the trip, he told me he did and I was not included. When he told me he booked the trip without me, my heart hurt. I did not shed a tear in front of him, but I was extremely sad inside. He told me he liked the way I took the news about me not going with them on their vacation. He broke the news to me, in the restaurant. When he broke the news to me, he thought I would have acted differently and stormed out of the restaurant.

Since I “acted” in a way he “accepted” he offered to take me on a trip with he and I to go see my mom for her 80th birthday…(my reward for behaving the way he wanted). I was so excited to see my mom since she lives so far from me. The fact he was going to meet my family too, was such a rush, so much so, being left out of the previous trip did not seem to matter.

That night, we got into an argument where my feelings were hurt again. So, yep, you guessed it, another trip cancelled based on my inappropriate behavior. Because I was hurt? Really? Our fights seemed to continue more frequently. However, one thing I loved about the way we fought was we never called each other names or raised our voices, we actually talked them through.

The negative part of our relationship was him trying to control me. If I acted one way, then I was rewarded. If I acted another way, that he found unacceptable, then I was punished and things were taken away. Recently he purchased a brand new sports car valued over 80k. When we went to look at it, he was interested in buying it. He told me he felt bad about the purchase because of my financial situation (I’m not well off like he is.) This was his way of putting himself up on a pedestal and me beneath him, more like “Poor Nikki.” Really? He ended up buying the car that day with me in the dealership.

There are so many other parts to this relationship that aren’t even worth mentioning. Look for signs of control and do yourself a favor and save yourself before it’s too late. I’ve been working on me and getting me back to my old self. This relationship took a tremendous toll on me. It’s been two days since we’ve had contact. It could be the best two days in months. I can certainly thank him for making me see what I don’t want in a relationship. I’m coming out of this getting to know myself better and happy to be a stronger person.

What we once had, I thought was true and genuine. The Tiffany bracelet was the only thing genuine in our relationship…

Until Next Time,

Much Love,

Nikki