Hey, Love

It is early January and the rain has passed. The air is crisp and faintly moist, giving my cheeks a slight flush. I stand outside my house waiting patiently, but nervously. I had not seen my best friend since summer. I missed his child-like spirit and joyful mannerisms. I missed his smile and curious exuberance. Finally, he was home and he could not have arrived at a better time. My life seemed to be falling apart and I craved that unchanging optimism he carried. For some time, he had been my inspiration. He lived life in the moment and cherished every second as if it was his last. He could care less about what tomorrow had to bring; all that mattered to him was the present and the embracement of opportunity. I, for one, did not carry the same optimism. I teetered on the edge of pessimism and cynicism and held onto resentment like no other. I was either stuck in the past or panicking about the future. “Typical cancer,” he would always tell me sarcastically. As I waited for him to pick me up, I thought over our past and wondered what I meant to him. There was an unmistakable attraction, anyone who saw us together could feel it, but nothing was ever acted upon. Maybe I needed him as a friend and so did he. Maybe we were too polite to overstep boundaries.

My thought is interrupted by the sound of a smooth engine. I see him driving up the street and and I cannot contain my smile. He opens his door, leaving his car in the middle of the street, and rushes towards me. He picks me up and I hug him tight.

“It has been too long,” I say.

“I know, love, I know,” he replies. He has always called me love. There is a certain sweetness to it. We hear another engine off in the distance and quickly hop in the car.

“So where are we off to today?” I ask.

He tilts his head towards me and displays that spontaneity of his. “I have not decided yet so it it is a surprise, but I will make sure you love it.”

I smile and trust him since I know he knows me well. We make our way through the canyons and I gaze at the rolling hills. The earth is freshly quenched from the frequent showers and the grass is thriving. I feel alive seeing the hills so alive. Slowly, I begin to notice my tension fade. I breathe in deeply and look at him and realize I have not felt this calm in months. He smiles at me and reaches for my hand. He always has this unwavering air of affection so I almost pay no mind. Seconds later though, I register what happened and I am strangely taken aback. I process it quickly though and let him take it. He is buzzing with excitement and eagerness. He always gets this way when we go on drives.

Soon enough, I feel the car decelerate and he parks on a small, dirt rest area. “Are we here?” I ask him. He does not say anything he just walks out of the car and runs around to the passenger side. He opens my door and grabs my hand and starts to lead me. I follow him up a narrow dirt trail and keep making efforts to interrogate him. “Where are we going crazy? Where are you taking me? What is this?” I say while laughing.

He just looks back at me and as he laughs says, “You can never be patient, can you?”

We finish our mini trek and out of nowhere I see a couch overlooking an entire valley. He watches me as I let out a small gasp. “This is beautiful!” I exclaim.

“This is one of my favorite spots,” he says. “It reminds me of you.”

I hug him and that embrace the charismatic habits he puts on display. “I have missed you so much,” I whisper.

“I have missed you too love,” he replies. We walk towards the couch and sit down. We made it just in time for the sunset. The sky is unusually clear for the weather we had been having. I love it. I cozy up to him and at last we start to catch up. He tells me about his new life up north and how great it is to be away from familiarities and establish new roots. He encourages me to do the same. I let him speak as I listen intently. I love hearing the excitement in his voice. It reminds me of the playful curiosity children often radiate. It calms me.

He seems to have said enough about how well his life is going so I ask him, “Is there anything bothering you?”

He sits silently for a moment and then starts a small rant regarding his father. He begins with, “He lectures me constantly on how I am only concerned about today, but cannot see ten steps ahead of me. He thinks that I act too child-like and that it is about time I get serious and focus on my future. He says I will not have a future if I keep it up at this pace. Do you think that I am really like this? Do you think I am naive and far too indifferent? Do I miss opportunities by taking hold of all opportunities? Does that even make sense? I am not really sure at this point. He seems constantly disapointed in me because of this. Maybe I do need to change.”

I turn towards him and say, “Yes, you are very stuck in the present, but that is my favorite thing about you. You are able to do something I have never been able to do and that is to appreciate the little things that make up every day. You have the ability to place great value on things I would find insignificant or even uninteresting. Your spontaneity and your impulsivity is what draws me to you and when I am with you, the world sits still. I am able to feel balanced and safe and take a step back from my monotonous forever-spiraling thoughts. I feel sane.” I look up from my hands and he carefully kisses me. He pulls away and I see that child-like radiance once again. It was then that I found truth in the saying, “opposites attract.”