Humans is powered by Vocal creators. You support Tatiana Moodie by reading, sharing and tipping stories... more

Humans is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.

How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.

How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.

To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.

Show less

Hidden Behind My Smile... (Pt. 1)

When I was little, I thought love would be like a fairytale tale in a book or a Disney princess.

Picture I took of a peach tree; everything needs love, including plants.

We all want a happy ending, no matter what happens in our lives. I get annoyed whenever people say, “Bad experiences are what made you who you are today.” If I had a choice I would choose only happiness. The day I met Christof in 2013, who knew my life would change forever? When I was little, I thought love would be like a fairytale tale in a book or a Disney princess. Well, of course, because I grew up with overprotective parents.

I started dating in my early 20s. I took to online dating because I was shy and inexperienced. I enjoyed dating at first because I got to meet different guys and explore sexuality. It became old after the same old movie and dinner cliche. I felt no connection to anyone really until Christof came along.

I felt sparks fly when we went on our first date. Yes, it was a movie and dinner date, haha. The difference was I felt a chemistry with him. When he grabbed and kissed my hand an electric wave went down my spine. It was like the typical love at first sight corniness. I thought he was different because he didn’t kiss me on my lips but, my forehead. I thought to myself, “What a gentleman.”

 I was literally distracted from everything else by this man. I was losing sleep and not spending time with family or friends. I was not taking college seriously anymore. I was only thinking of Christof. 

Whenever we went on a date, I would always get back to the dorms late. I did not mind because I was in love. I did not care because I was happy I got to spend time with him, even though he would always show up late to pick me up. 

He would get jealous of my male friends I had that were strictly friends. He was growing impatient because I didn’t want to rush into sex. I did not know why I was always feeling depressed and lost in the world. I was simply blinded by love. I was losing myself completely within him. Why was I so stupid to stay with him.

Then one night I was seriously scared for my life when I went to his place. All kinds of thoughts were running through my head. Is this the day I get taken advantage of, die, or get thrown in the ocean? Women always think of the craziest scenarios. 

We were watching television at his place. He asked me if I wanted to drink but, I declined politely. I knew drinking alone with a man could lead to things. He kept drinking glasses of wine continuously. This was the first time I even saw him drink alcohol. I didn’t know what to expect. 

Well, one thing led to another. He started kissing and touching me aggressively and I did not mind until he started trying to take off my jeans. I used to wear skin-tight jeans. I was pushing him away telling him, “NO!” He pulled off my shirt and ripped one of the hooks where the belt goes through. I fell off the bed when that happened. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. He was laughing hysterically and went to the bathroom asking if I wanted to shower with him. I was on my period. That wasn’t why I didn’t want to have sex though. I wasn’t in the mood because of his bad vibe. Who laughs when someone cries?

He drove me to my mother’s place and neither of us said a word to each other. I thought to myself, I’m never going to see him again. I slammed his car door and he sped off in anger. I ran in the house in tears. I told my mom what happened and she told me to be careful next time. 

I was at college the next day, feeling free, because I wasn’t with him. I decided to focus on my studies and stop talking to Christof. That’s when I got a phone call and saw Christof’s name pop up on my phone screen. 


Read next: A Month
Tatiana Moodie
Tatiana Moodie

Hey, there! I love to write, sing, or dance on my spare time. I am a mother of a wonderful toddler. Who enjoys spending time with family & friends, the beach, hiking, karaoke, playing soccer or tennis, and fitness :)

Now Reading
Hidden Behind My Smile... (Pt. 1)
Read Next
A Month