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His Name Is Matt...

A Letter I Will Never Send

By Malai SpornerPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I read online that if you have a strong emotion towards someone that you can't or don't have contact with. That you should write a letter to them that they will probably never be able to see... So I guess that's what I'm doing now.

Dear Matt,

It's three in the morning and your green eyes consume my thoughts, just like they always do... My eyes tear up filling with the burning liquid I've come to call home. The memories come flowing in like the floodgates my eyes are. I've screamed your name a thousand times and I've cried over you at least double that amount. I think about the way you made me laugh and smile. It will always be imprinted in my brain. You will always be my first crush and love. What was I thinking to get involved with a boy over 1,036.8 miles away from me... We never video chatted nor talked on the phone because my insecure butt thought you were too good for me. Oh, how the tables have turned since then.

I've always wondered how someone could fall in love with another person they never even met in person. How could I fall so hard for you? When I don't even know how your voice sounds... You had a girlfriend. That, of course, you never told me about. You made me feel so special, wanted, and loved. And you promised you wouldn't leave... I've learned from then that your promises were made to be broken. You cross my mind every day. With the little things in life, like when someone tells me their favorite color is green, and when I ask what kind of green and they answer exactly like you did, it makes me think that there is a little bit of you in them, or when I listen to certain songs from certain bands.

You ruined me Matt... broke me when I was already cracking. You made me open up my wounds when they were just starting to heal. You used me and threw me away like a toy, but to you I probably was wasn't I? The sad thing is you will always be there, in the back of my mind, and you probably forgot me the day you left. I will never be able to forget you because the thing about first loves is you never fall out of love with them, not truly. You just learn. Learn to live with the constant heartache. Learn that you are better than them and that they are missing out on how great of a person you have become. At least those are the things that I tell myself, and it's really sad Matt, because if you messaged me right now...

I'd answer, I'd answer you in a heartbeat. Do you know how messed up that is? How after all this heartache I'd still be there for you no matter what. I'd listen to your problems or listen to you tell me all the lies you told me before. I'd do it all over again, just to feel the way you made me feel before. And it's sad because I know I shouldn't but I would. I have changed so much in the past couple of years. So much that if you saw me now you probably wouldn't recognize me. There were probably dozens of girls like me you toyed with and then threw away. I've gone over so many different scenarios in my head of confronting you. Of you coming back to me, of happily ever after... but those are just fairytales. and fairytales are made for storybooks, not real life.

Sincerely, The girl you forgot about so easily...

This is my letter to you Matt and I can't say I'm letting you go like you did so easily to me... you will always be there, letting me know how cruel guys really can be.

breakups
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About the Creator

Malai Sporner

Hi, my names Timberly but I go by malai. I like to call my self an amateur photographer and writer. I've written stories and poems majority of my life, and I've come to love every one of my pieces, and I hope you do as well.

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