Holding a Grudge Against Someone Hurts You More than It Hurts Them

Anger is perfectly natural, it's not something that you can completely eliminate from your life. With that said, you can't hold onto grudges forever... I mean not without giving up your health in the process. So, let me ask you something... is it really worth it?

How it hurts you...

Being angry and unforgiving causes stress. Failure to forgive in life evokes a brain activity that will also increase your blood pressure... and lower your immune system. More specifically, you will have an increase in cortisol and adrenaline. Not to mention, being unforgiving also negatively affects mental health, which leads to an increase in anxiety and depression. Seriously, your anger is giving you anxiety. Holding onto any grudge hurts you more than I know how to explain.

The day I learned to let my grudges go...

One day I walking to a school related event and I couldn't get my head away from angry and even self-destructive thoughts. While I was walking, there was an older woman asking for spare change. I had no change on me... but she was sitting next to the bank, so I went in gave her a $20. After doing this nice deed, my anger was completely eliminated. I felt so much better! In fact, I felt free. After that, I realized there are a wide variety of ways to deal with my emotions other than letting them boil inside me. You don't have to give away your money like that, it's just my example because it was an epiphany moment for me.

The Power of Forgiveness

It turns out that forgiveness is a powerful thing. Not for the person you are forgiving... but for yourself. Some believe that forgiveness is the best and ultimate step to improving mental health.

• Forgive Yourself
• Forgive Others
• Forgive Your Ex
• Forgive Your Parents
• Forgive God (gods)
• Let go of that anger

The Two Types of Forgiveness

Decisional Forgiveness - the intention NOT to seek revenge or engage in conflict

Emotional Forgiveness - the intention TO replace hate and anger with compassion and empathy

What is the difference?

Decisional forgiveness is something you do in the act of now, it helps keep your community safer and your personal relationships healthy.

Emotional forgiveness is something that you will find as you choose to pursue an emotional or spiritual journey.

Different ways to find closure without getting revenge

• Take full responsibility for yourself.
• Forgive yourself.
• Don't be too hard on yourself.
• You are allowed to have emotions, don’t judge yourself.
• Grieve the loss.
• Gather your strengths.
• Make a plan for the immediate future.
• Take care of yourself

We can’t expect the outside world to take care of our feelings—we have to ownership over our own emotions.

What happens after you forgive?

Once I decided to let go of all my anger, I was a little confused on what to do next... a lot of my time and effort was focussed on anger. So... now it feels like I have a lot more spare time. I tried getting hobbies, different jobs... I even thought about writing a book. The truth is... I don't know what my plan is yet, and I guess that's okay for now. What I do know is that I want to do something to make me feel like I am living more a fulfilling life. As for advice on what you can next, that's easy. The truth is... you can do pretty much whatever you want. The world is your oyster. You can focus on your career, your education... get a puppy! What is it that you want to do with your newfound emotional freedom?

Remember:

Forgiveness isn't about forgetting the past. Instead, it's about remembering it, learning from it and then finally... letting it go.

Hello. Nice to meet you! How are you? Hmm... this feels like a really one-sided conversation... why don't you follow me on social media so I can get to know you too!

About the Author

I started blogging about two years ago and my collection of blogs and articles is getting pretty impressive. I’ve taken online classes for writing and even some classes about the art of blogging itself. It would be really awesome if you join the adventure and maybe even help me think of what to write about next. If you would like to submit some feedback or ideas, you can always tweet me on Twitter.

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Thank you for reading my article. Would it be okay if I ask another favour though? Would it be okay if you share this on your Facebook page or Twitter? If you can't share, there is a tiny little donate box at the bottom too. No pressure though, just thought I would mention.

Work Cited

“5 Ways to Find Closure From the Past.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/in-flux/201104/5-ways-find-closure-the-past.

“Benefits of Spiritual Wellness in a Senior Living Community.” Rolling Green Village, 22 Aug. 2018, www.rollinggreenvillage.com/spiritual-wellness-is-an-important-part-of-your-overall-wellness/.

“How to Move Forward When You Don't Have Closure.” Medium, Personal Growth, 29 Apr. 2019, medium.com/personal-growth/how-to-move-forward-when-you-dont-have-closure-332be3f7d921.

National Wellness Institute, www.nationalwellness.org/default.aspx.