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Holy Frail

"I still love you just the same."

Strangers... that's how everyone starts off.

I love to compliment people, gas people to the point where I can leave an impression on them. I did that to her whenever she posted a cute picture on her Snapchat. I meant nothing by it when I do compliment people. One day, after I compliment her again, for some reason she gives me her number and tells me to text her. As a guy, I was thinking, "Finally! Yeeeee! Now's my chance to get closer to a cute girl." I totally read the situation wrong because right when I hit her up, she talked about her ex-boyfriend, recent breakup, and how things weren't looking so bright for her. I had two options: To stay up and be the nice, comforting guy that I usually am and help give her advice, or not care at all and go to sleep early. I was at Virginia at the time for my schooling at my military job, thus I needed as much sleep as possible. I'm still dumbstruck by the option I chose that day. I chose to be stay up with her, pouring out all of the possible perspectives that I saw from what she's told me, and gave her advice at the end. HAHA! I barely slept that day and had to go to work at 5 AM, yet I didn't regret helping her. At the end of it, she thanked me because out of everyone in her life, I, the stranger, was the only one who was straightforward with her and "gave a shit" about her. Because of that, she was interested in me; she was interested in my personality because she's never met anyone like me before. The next day, I didn't know how to talk to her, nor did I want to talk more about her ex... but she didn't know how to start the conversation either. The one thing we had common that day was that we both wanted to talk to each other more, as something had sparked in both of our hearts. I ended up hitting her up first and we started talking more and more. She wanted to FaceTime because she didn't want to be catfished so I went along with it. We got to know more of each other day after day, all the little and big things about each other. I smiled every time I got to hear her unique laugh, and her smile was... it just made me happy to see her smile. I came home after graduating MOS school. I fell for her after a month and I told her over text. I know that you're not supposed to do it over text, but we were pretty far apart. Now I'm pretty clueless when it comes to love so when someone likes me back, I'm pretty dense. When I confessed, I knew she wasn't completely over her ex, so I told her I was okay with being friends. After talking for a few more months, she started having a crush on me too; she gave me hints, but I had no freaking idea. She actually had to spell it out for me haha. We felt the same way and we wanted to meet each other badly. She had spring break while I was home, so I surprised her by catching a flight to her place to meet her first. Originally, she was going to meet me first, but my impatient ass couldn't wait. When I came out of the plane, she tackled me and hugged me. I kissed her. I wanted to just start off slow and peck kiss her, but looking at her face, she wanted a french kiss. And we did. A lot. She was happy and my face couldn't stop smiling. My jaw started hurting. We made memories in her area, San Jose, CA. When I went back home after the trip, I felt satisfied. I was glad I had made the initiative to see her first. Because of that, we got closer than we were before. The next meeting, she came to me. We hung out, had fun, and made more memories. Both of us gave our virginities to each other that day... we felt more of an emotional connection to each other. We were clingy towards each other and wanted more. We clicked. We felt destined. After many more meetings, I finally met her parents. She was a fragile person, yet her parents weren't. They were the first parents I disapproved of, and not just that, they were the first to dislike me. They didn't like me, tried to keep us apart when I was over for a week to spend time with her. They tried to keep us apart, they trash talked about me behind my back and in front of her, and they didn't even want to get to know me. They only saw me as my status was... "a reserved United States Marine still living with his parents with no career job yet and no school with low status parents." I could give no fucks when people shit on me, but when they disrespected my parents, I held my frustration because I wanted their approval to date their daughter most of all. I regret that I didn't defend my parents that day. It felt like they were talking to me like I was beneath them because they live in a two-story house, own three expensive cars, and can support their children. As much I hated that moment, my immediate reaction was to just laugh it out and that's what I did. Nevertheless, I still spent time with her and made more memories. At the end of the trip, her dad wanted a one-on-one with me and indirectly basically told me, "breakup with my daughter, you're a bad influence of her." After a month passed, she told me "we need to breakup." I was driving at the time and when I heard her say it on the phone and hang up, my heart shattered to pieces. She was my holy grail. The relationship was going smoothly so I didn't know why she said what she said all of a sudden. I found out her parents forced her, she blocked me on all social media apps, and blocked my number. I got through to her by her friends and she proposed a deal: that I wait two years and get back together with her. I was all for it, but I did have my doubts. It wasn't that I was gonna move on to a different girl in those two years, it was more like I felt so unsure that she would feel the same way towards me after not talking for two years. We had arguments. So to be safe, I asked her again about her proposal and whenever she read it, she blocked me or ignored me... she kept running away from giving me an answer. I finally got through to her and I asked her one last time. She told me:

"You're going to ruin my mood for today so stop trying to talk to me. I moved on and so should you. For your question, I'm saying no. I don't want that deal anymore. I don't love you anymore, Robin."

It hurt to hear it, though deep down I already knew her answer. I finally heard her truthful heart so I gave up. What hurt me the most to this day is that she got over it in less than two months. I know I was the one that said "I love you" first, but I didn't expect she'd move on so quickly. It's been seven months, yet I still miss her. I'm moving on slowly. I thought she was the fragile one because she cried every time, but I realized that I was the fragile one. I lost my reason to smile when she left me. My heart was and is still fragile.

Throughout all that, I finally was able to pick myself back up and had a reason to smile once more. Thank you.

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