Home Away from Home

Imagine your happy place, your home away from home, your sanctuary. Is it the place you feel most yourself? The place you feel like you can be anything you want to be? The place you feel your best? Is this the place you go to calm down or the place you go to get hyped up? Is this a place or is it a person?

A feeling of invincibility. A feeling of desire to go back. A feeling of safety. Is that what you feel when you're there? That’s what I feel when I’m with him.

It does not matter where we are. It does not matter what we are doing; as long as I am with him I feel like I am home. In the car. In my room. In the pouring rain locked out of school. Clouds or shine. Rough seas or calm, I want to be with him. He was my security blanket at night. My laughs during the day. He lit a fire I was so amused with… yet he doesn’t even know it.

He doesn’t know that the sound of him breathing calms me down. He doesn’t know that I feel safest wrapped in his arms. He doesn’t know that when I need a pep talk he's the first person I go to. He doesn’t know that he is my home away from home.

He went from being a stranger to someone so special in the matter of months. He just never realized how special he was. I still don't think he realizes how special he is.

Seeing him for the first time it was like deja vu. I knew in that moment I was supposed to be there meeting him. Like he had a familiar face. That I knew we were meant to meet. That a greater force was pushing me towards his direction.

Seeing him was like meeting somebody I had already known for the first time again. That’s what it felt like for months. That when I was getting to know him I felt like I already knew him. I felt like he already knew me. I wonder if he felt like that too.

When someone makes you mad and they regret doing so, sometimes they say or do something in hopes that you laugh or smile and when you do laugh or smile because you physically cannot hold back; I think that is love. When you travel but feel like you never left your home. When you can be foolish and serious. When something as simple as a visit at work can make your awful day into something more than better. When you sing along in the car to the music that is not your favorite but it's their favorite.

He is my favorite song on a road trip. My happy place is anywhere with him. He is the last voice I want to hear before I go to sleep. He is the adventure to my journeys. He makes me feel most like myself. He makes me feel like I can be anything I want to be. I feel my best when I am with him. He calms me and he hypes me up he motivates me when I need it most. He is a person. He is my friend. My home away from home. He just is not mine.

Worst of all, now he is someone else’s. And it doesn’t just feel like someone now lives in the house I grew up in. It feels like I am watching someone live in the house I grew up in.

He used to be my home away from home; now he’s just her home.