Honest Talk About Abuse and Fighting

Can we talk about fights and arguments? This is something I feel gets shoved under the rug and is to be forgotten. I want to clean house and put this on display. I want to talk to both ladies and gentlemen about this subject. This may be something more directed to the men but I am hoping I can reach you and make some sense about this.

We are all familiar with our emotion anger, right? I will start by saying that we aren’t perfect, and we aren’t meant to be perfect but there are some fine lines that we aren’t meant to cross. In our relationships and marriage, we will come to disagreements, we will argue, and some fights may happen. Everyone has a different outlook of what is to be expected out of a relationship or marriage whether fighting is acceptable or not. In my opinion, fighting can be avoided by understanding the emotion anger, how we respond, what we say, and our actions.

Let’s talk about this further and explore cause and reaction. He comes home late from work and he hasn’t given any notice of him being late or an explanation and he expects you to not raise a brow. There may be some ladies who wouldn’t mind this but I’m confident that many women would find this odd. Why wouldn’t he just tell me he had to work late, what is he hiding, was he doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing? These are things that run into a woman’s head. Now she is angry because she wants to understand, and you feel as if you did nothing wrong and owe her nothing. Thus, an argument and possibly a fight. Break this down: because you didn’t communicate with her to assure her that you're working late and will be home soon, now the reaction is her brow raised. Are you with me so far? Now that we have established the cause and the reaction our emotion anger has surfaced.

She is upset that you can’t do one simple thing which is to involve her, and you feel like you're being attacked and that you haven’t done anything wrong. Whether you were at work, that it was nothing, or was something you, now have stirred this pot. If you just called or messaged her to let her know that you will be working late, then all of what took place could have been avoided. Women don’t want to know everything you're doing, they just want to be included. Men and women need to include each other and the moment you leave him or her out is the moment the brow raises. Make sense?

Let’s change things up to a more heated physical fighting scenario—our domestic abuse situation. Say you’re feeling frisky and want some love from your woman. You make your move and you get shut down. She can be passive with this or aggressive, depending on how you were to her. For those who feel that she’s playing hard to get and try again, now she’s angry because of your lack of understanding that she isn’t up for it. It's now at a point where she slaps you because she is reacting to the situation, hoping that you get the message. Once she slaps you, now you become infuriated because you feel emasculated and that she had no right to come at you like that. You're going to show her who the man is and shove her, slap on her, striking her in the face, and make sure she gets your message. Our bodies belong to us, we have all the rights to say what happens to our body, and it’s a blatant form of disrespect when you cross that line, feeling you can do whatever to someone else.

Pay attention here. Because she shut you down, you felt that you should get what you wanted and didn’t respect her enough to accept no as an answer. She doesn’t have to verbally say “No.” There are many ways of saying no. So now that you tried again after not realizing that she didn’t want it, she has now escalated to physically hurting you. Now whether a woman can physically harm a man by slapping him is up for debate and there are different views on that but that’s not my point here.

My point I am trying to make is that there is always a cause and reaction. You attacked her because she slapped you after you didn’t accept no as an answer. If you left her alone and respected her decision, then all of it could have been avoided. It’s not about who is right or wrong. It shouldn’t be happening. Fights can be avoided, and we don’t have to argue. Stop making things difficult.

Why is it so hard to talk to each other and accept boundaries? Why is it hard to respect each other? If you can’t respect someone then it’s time to move on because you are worth so much more. Value yourself because it starts with you. You can make all the fights and arguing stop by realizing that it is unacceptable and that there is someone who can respect you. There is someone who understands your worth, can talk to you respectfully, and is willing to compromise and not sacrifice who you are in the process. It all starts with you and the decisions you make. It's your life, make it a happy one.

We aren’t perfect and there are many forms of abuse and it's not okay. We make things more complicated than it should be. Don’t you want to be happy and not to fight over petty stuff? To get along, to be adored, and feel that only you matter? Stop the hate, show some love, and stop complicating things.

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This is opinion based, with hypothetical scenarios and a perspective from a woman’s view.