How a Long-Distance Relationship Helped Me Find Myself

I never wanted a long-distance relationship. It wasn’t even a possibility to me. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” yeah, right. Left and right you hear about failed long-distance relationships that “just didn’t work out” or “were too hard to keep up.” I always thought a long-distance relationship was an entrée of loneliness with a side of bullshit. A recipe for disaster.

And then, all of the sudden I was in one. I was one half of a cross-country relationship. And not just any cross-country relationship; a relationship where our entire interaction with each other was confined to one email a week and two Skype calls a year. It was the exact opposite of where I saw my life going, but it all happened before I could digest it. My partner’s departure seemed distant, almost a figment of my imagination, until one day I was hugging him goodbye at the airport. Suddenly I was the girl I never wanted to be. I was the girl no one wanted to be. My parents pitied me, my friends thought I was crazy, and I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I had signed up for two years of this. Two years without my best friend. 104 emails and four Skype calls. That’s it.

I wished more than anything that the circumstances could have been different. I didn’t want to leave him but I certainly didn’t want to spend two years completely alone. Who would want that? I thought I had just sentenced myself to the worst two years of my life. The hardest, slowest, most painful two years of my life. Everyone I spoke to who had been in a similar situation all told me the same thing; “Oh I did that once…it didn’t work out” or “We broke up a year into it” or my personal favorite “Make sure you keep your options open, sweetie.” Everyone expected the relationship to fail, everyone told me it wasn’t worth it and that I would be miserable, that I should just give up while I’m ahead. No one gave me hope that it would work out or that any good would come out of it, and the people that did wore their positivity like a mask to hide their true feelings.

I thought I would lose myself and my relationship with long distance, but at the end of the day, long-distance was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I’m not going to sit here and lie to you, long distance relationships are hard. They take a lot more work than a normal relationship. Like, I mean a LOT. It doesn’t come naturally and it's unlike anything you’re used to, but it’s only an awful experience if you make it one.

The first four months were difficult. It was the holiday season and it was hard experiencing the full joy of Thanksgiving and Christmas when the person who brought me the most joy was so far away. I’m not gonna lie and say it was a piece of cake when it wasn’t. Missing someone is hard, but there is always good in any situation, you just need to know where to look.

Long distance has given me strength. Although the first four months were really hard, it only gets easier. Instead of seeing the negatives and letting it bring you down, have the strength to see the positive. Sure, I didn’t have the person I loved with me on Thanksgiving, but I am lucky to have him at all. Even if it’s only on Mondays and through the computer screen on Christmas.

Long distance fostered my independence. All of the sudden I was standing on my own when I was used to standing beside someone. Sure, it’s a change, but quite possibly a good one. The time I’ve gotten to stand alone has been a great experience. I’ve learned more about myself, what I believe, and how capable I am on my own. I’ve grown as a person and it’s only going to benefit me when long distance is a thing of the past.

Long distance has taught me how to be grateful, truly grateful. It’s given me a new perspective on life, and quite honestly has helped me become a better person. I’m thankful. Long distance led to a change in my major, new friends, a new city, and an abundance of new experiences that I would not have had otherwise.

Long distance teaches you how to communicate. You don’t get the opportunity to see your partner as much as you’re used to. The distance will teach you both how to effectively communicate. It’s so essential when your interactions are limited to calls and texts and the occasional visit.

Long distance makes you really appreciate the time you do get with your partner. You will never take a day with them for granted again. The moments you get with them will be so much more special than they would be otherwise.

If you can make it through a long-distance relationship, you can do anything. Seriously. If you and your significant other can navigate love from miles apart, any other issues you have as a couple will seem small. Long distance helps you both reconnect with who you really are and develop great communication with each other. Those paired together will help your relationship continue to succeed past your long-distance days.

Long distance is whatever you make of it. You can make it an awful experience, or you can make it a good experience. For most people in today’s world, long distance is accompanied by phone calls or texts or even random visits whenever you like. It doesn’t have to be a recipe for disaster. You get what you put into it, and if you put in enough then distance really will make the heart grow fonder.

So enjoy your time apart! It won’t last forever and can be a great way to strengthen your relationship. Send each other love letters, the old-fashioned way. Tell each other about your day and never stop saying “I love you.” Send each other random gifts, grow your relationships with your friends and family. Make the best of it.

I’m no expert on long-distance relationships and I never will be. I’m still learning and growing from this experience. No one is an expert. So never take anyone’s word as the ultimate truth. Sure, for some people, maybe even a lot of people, long distance didn’t work. Regardless of if it works or not, take the opportunity to grow as a person and find yourself. It won’t always be easy, but at the end of the day you can make the experience worth it.