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“You Were Loved”
How is it that I still think about you? Still, wonder how you're doing...
Why am I smiling at the memory of us, when you and I haven't shared the same space in so long?
How does my heart beat still rise oh so slightly as I think about remembering...
How I loved you...
How I knew you...
How I hoped you loved me
It seems like a lifetime ago, too short a moment to have to rewind the hands of time
In reality, we have been apart longer than we were ever together
Yet my heart still pumps to your beats, while your heart no longer finds the rhythm of mine
It is because of how much I wanted us that knowing this, does not taint my memory of loving you
My love was pure and true
I always thought if life separated us, we would still be able to talk about old times and laugh; see one another and smile
Be able to breathe in the essence of what made us fall in love in the first place
But even if that never happens and we are to never again spend another moment in time together
I can only hope you know... You were loved!
Is it possible to MAKE another individual fall in love with you? Do you have the power to persuade another human being’s heart to match up with yours so much so that you capture their heart? Perhaps? But what is love?
In my opinion, your definition of love is as unique to you as your DNA. No one can tell you how to love, who to love, or if you are indeed in love. It’s founded upon personal preferences. The things that attract you to someone enough to love them have to be pivotal. In other words, you have to like more than the car they drive or how they dress. Those things may attract you, but materialistic things do not make a love last.
How would I know? Well, I’ve been in love more than once in my 45 years in this world. I also watched my parents, my siblings, my friends, and family fall in and out of love. But everyone’s “love” is not the same. See, my kind of love is unique. I know people, like myself, who have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to reading others energy. When I read someone’s energy, I instantly look for honesty. A person can talk a good game, but that doesn’t mean they are telling the truth. The best way to see a person’s honesty is to look in their eyes when you speak. To me, an honest man is the most attractive man in the room. If you aren't bull___ and have true intent toward me, I can pick up on that.
My problem arises when I become attracted to someone before determining their nature. Before I realize it, I’m locked in. It’s easy to be blinded by what you want to see versus what someone is actually showing you. For example, when I fell in love for the first time, I fell very quickly. Brutal honesty was written in his eyes, so I thought. I was only 19. Where I saw brutal honesty was him actually trying to tell me we were not on the same page in our relationship.
Still, I always saw something different than the rest when I looked at him. I didn’t only see who he was then but I saw the man that he could be. That version of him was the man, I knew one day, if I stayed long enough, I would be able to love forever. But unfortunately, sometimes the hurt is not worth the wait. Fairy tales are just that, tall tales we allow ourselves to believe so we can move in a world of chaos.
I would eventually end up letting my undying love and internal pain destroy me from the inside out, then and several more times. Unreciprocated, unappreciated love can make you doubt your whole existence. You don’t even know what love is anymore. You will have done nothing but love hard and you end up asking yourself questions like, “What am I doing wrong? Or, why aren’t I enough?” When you’re in the middle of the misery of it all, it’s hard to believe in anything, especially yourself.
It has taken me years to realize that love for another cannot exist if you don’t first love yourself. When you are young, you automatically think that the person you marry or date for years will be yours forever. But sometimes people, like plants, are only meant to last for a season. You can’t make someone you love, love you. If they want to go, send them on their way. Do not lose yourself constantly saving someone else. By the time you figure out that it’s time to finally save yourself, it’s too late. You are broken, beaten, defeated, and worn.
I’m writing this as a message to you and a reminder to myself; get to know yourself before giving all of you to someone else. If you know nothing about yourself, why give any part of you to someone who knows nothing about you either. Doesn’t that make a world of sense? Know what you deserve, want and need and settle for nothing less. The right person for you is out there. Don’t give up on love. Grow from your experiences. Always take into account the things you see you did wrong. Nobody is perfect. Learn from your mistakes. Along the way live, stand, breath and thrive in your truth.
Life is so hard sometimes. It becomes difficult to see the beauty in it because we go through so many storms. But remember this, as I have, storms end and the sun shines; I’ve persevered, I've conquered fears, I’ve withstood situations that would have broken others, and I have been fortunate to fall in love more times than average. I am blessed beyond measure. I will never give up on love, but to those who managed to pierce my big heart, if I am to never fall in love again, I find peace in knowing that you now know, you were loved.