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How Do You Know?

How do you know it’s real?

By Morgan ShortPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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In this day and age, we rely on technology to find the so called “perfect match.” In the United States alone, millions of single people use search engines and match making websites to the job for them. But, is that the right thing to do?

With so many social media sites, new terms of dating arise each day from match.com to catfish sites that plays havoc on the self-esteem of those who already find it hard to find someone on a personal level. So, how do you know if it’s real or not; if it’s the right thing to do for you? Relationship experts say to base all relationships on a scale, an algorithm that is formulated to your specific ideas of a partner. Most people say they set their standards too high or too low. But you truly are the only one who knows what it is that attracts you to that person. I am old-fashioned, believing that there is love at first site. There are differences between lust, love, and a simple crush.

1. Lust, everyone in their lifetime has felt this. The sudden gut feeling when the person catches your eye. You swear it’s love at first site, waiting impatiently for texts or calls. But you could be easily persuaded if another person shares the same thing that attracted you. If in the midst of meeting this person, you’re not fully intrigued by everything they have to offer you, fantasize about what they could be. Then, you notice the things they don’t offer and you swear you love them but can’t be truly happy.

2. Crush, similar to its sister the lust factor, it too blinds us by it’s easiness to persuade us in believing that they may be the one. But, again, you find yourself easily drawn to other people who have the same attractiveness. You listfully think that the butterflies in your stomach and the clamy hands are the true sign of love. The signs are there, but the emotions aren’t. You don’t per say love them, you know if it doesn’t work out you could go about your day.

3. Love, the premordial essence that everyone searches for. The breath taking experience where in the moment you stare into your partner's eyes and you feel like you can see yourself in their eyes. That feeling that every day is not complete without them in it. The “prince-charming effect;” someone to save us from the life we made for ourselves.

Now, how do we find this so called love? We turn to what society states is the dating scene. You have bars, church functions, weddings, even speed dating. In each one of these categories, you are possibly going to find love, lust, or crush. We are so quick to brush off one person to the next because they don’t meet the standards of our friends, family, coworkers, or even pastors. What I have come to learn is, even though we thrive to make everyone else happy, we forget what it is we really want. Best advice is, there is no true way of finding real love. Bars, you're more likely going to find lust more times than love. Speed dating leaves too much unsaid and is very biased, because it leaves the option to being unhonest and you don’t really get to know the real person. But you can find it if you truly know what it is you want. Base your observation on what it is that makes you happy and where you see yourself in five years with that person. Never, judge a book by its cover. And foremost, never settle your mind on a first date; wait until real life happens before you make your final decision.

Real love is not the social picture that everyone and media makes it out to be. Experience dictates logic, for every man there is a woman. If you cannot look past the stereotypical views of looks and money, you will never find true love. Being able to wake up next to someone with morning breath, messy hair, who forgets to pay a bill, who can drive you crazy ranting about football or what so-and-so did at the party, and looking at the things that they truly bring like making you laugh when you feel like crying, who can be bluntly honest, even though they know it may upset you, or remember the small things, is real love. If you can honestly look at the person when you are mad, no matter for what reason, and remember all the reasons you love them and you can’t picture yourself without them after that moment, then hun you found real love.

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About the Creator

Morgan Short

I’m an inspired writer, single mother of 2 wonderful children. This year I lost my fiancé to a horrible cancer. I’m wanting to be an inspiration to those around me and share the knowledge and gifts that I have.

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