How Do You Know You've Found the One? 8 Questions

I'm not going to ask the question, "Do you love him/her?" I hate that question! It is so incredibly vague! What is love, really? How do you know when you feel it for someone else? I don't know if I have found the answer that will satisfy your every hunger and thirst for romance, but I know that I am unbelievably happy in my relationship! And it's because I know the answer to each of these questions...

1) Do you feel desired?

Feeling desired is so important in a relationship. If you don't feel longed for, cherished, and needed, then you might begin to question your worth to your significant other.

Could he/she live without you? - Probably.

Does he/she want to? - I would hope not!

Would it hurt to lose you?

How much? - You can't really quantify this, nor should you try. However, you should consider if you really want to be one with this person, above all other possible matches. And you need affirmation that he/she feels the same way.

2) Do you feel safe?

Do you feel safe? Do you feel protected? If a mugger drew a gun on you, would your significant other hide behind you or do whatever was necessary to protect you? Maybe this is too high of an expectation, but I have no doubt that mine would protect me, whatever came our way. I would do the same for him. Call me an optimist or an idealist; I'll take either label as the truth and a compliment. I believe we should fight for the ones we love, even at a risk or sacrifice on our part!

3) Do you feel seen and heard?

When you're talking, does he/she really hear you? Do your words matter? I'm not saying you need to feel like the fact that you had a tuna sandwich for lunch is of profound importance to your loved one. But do the things that matter to you matter to him/her as well, even if it's only because you care about them?

This may not need to be said, but this does take work and adjustment to attain in a relationship. You won't automatically mesh on everything, including:

1) Your perceptions of each other,

2) Your understanding of how each other wants to be loved, or

3) The expectations you secretly hold for one another.

You need to train yourself to listen and notice the little details: the best ways to love and support your significant other, and your beloved needs to reciprocate. If there are two things I would say every relationship needs to succeed, I would narrow it down to unconditional love and complete, utter, fearless, honest communication! With these two precious gifts, your relationship will thrive!

Most recently, my beloved has become aware of the way I shut down emotionally—and even on my face—when something troubles me. Most people would never notice this about me because I tend to hide my feelings well, but he notices. It's an incredible feeling to be seen and heard, and I hope everyone experiences that joy!

4) Do you feel you can trust and be honest?

Speaking of honest communication, do you feel that you can trust your beloved with the truth? This is a big question! You may not have told him/her everything about yourself yet, but that isn't the question. Do you trust this person to eventually learn your darkest secrets and deepest desires?

This was very difficult for me, and the communication arrived with a tear-ridden confession as I exposed my darkest side to my beloved. I will never forget the way he held me and reassured me even as he faced my inner demons.

You should NOT live in fear of some great secret being unveiled before your loved one. You should NOT have to hide your deepest desires and fears: not from the One!

5) Do you feel like giving to him/her?

It isn't always easy to give to someone, I know. But, with my beloved, I feel excited to give to him (whether it be a physical gift, an act of service, quality time together, etc.); I want to make him happy in every way that I possibly can! Even if you narrow your focus all the way down to the selfish motivation behind that, you would find that I want so badly to give to my beloved because he constantly gives to me!

6) Does he/she give to you?

It's a common phrase but no less profound when it is said that a relationship should be "give-and-take." So it should! Nothing given in any relationship, really—not just the romantic ones—should be given begrudgingly or out of some obligation. Giving should only happen as a result of direct desire to make the receiver happy.

And don't be afraid to receive from your loved one, rather than only being willing to give. If he/she is trying to delight you, you should give them that honor and joyous experience, just as you feel it when they receive from you! The story The Gift of the Magi provides a beautiful example of how much those in a truly loving couple simply want the other to be happy.

7) Do you want to be around him/her?

I know: this one sounds simple, but take a moment to consider your answer.

Seriously, do you want to be around this alleged "the One"?

Does just seeing him/her make you smile?

Does everyone else's face, voice, etc. dull in comparison?

Does it hurt to say goodbye?

Do you dread those partings even if only for five minutes?

I suppose it doesn't have to be that extreme, but I've been dating my beloved for over seven months now, and it still hurts to have to say, "Goodbye," for even half an hour!

Will this wear off over time? I suppose some could say I'm new at this, but I don't foresee that happening! I genuinely delight in every moment I am with him, and I want that for you too!

A relationship will only dim or weaken if you're not there to keep it lit and strong!

Do you think you could have enough of your significant other? And I'm not saying the moments he/she gets on your nerves are enough to disqualify you, nor are the times one of you just needs to be alone. I simply mean that the presence of your beloved should generally have a positive effect on your day, your environment, and your life!

Make this question as simple or complex as you need it to be. All I want to know is: do you want to be around him/her?

8) Finally, are you happy?

Ultimately, it comes down to this question. If you can't answer it, review the others it has followed in this article.

Are you happy?

If you don't think you are happy, search inside yourself and reflect upon what you have invested in your relationship as well as what your significant other has. What could you change (not necessarily about yourself or your beloved, but about your approach to your relationship)? Do you both want to keep this relationship going? What brought you together in the first place? The One is worth the work and worth being certain of your answer!

Personally, I don't believe in the, "We fell out of love," excuse. Either you love him/her enough to give all of yourself: to give everything for your relationship...or you don't and probably never did.

And if you are happy, cling to that precious love you have found; never take it for granted and never let anything make you doubt it! You have found the One! Enjoy it and let yourself be happy!

Thank you so much for reading! May your love or your search for the One be truly blessed!