How Far We've Come

Life for gay people has never been easy; I wish I could beat around the bush about that, but in all honesty, there’s never really any beating around any bushes anyway. In other words, what I’m saying is that I am a gay man living in an extremely modern culture in Southern England. And as I reflect on my life since coming out I genuinely think it’s the best decision of my life, whether I chose to at the time or not.

I came out in November 2015 only because my mum had found some suspicious looking marks on my neck from my first boyfriend (that’s right first… there’s more). My coming out journey was one heck of a night; after telling my immediate family, who took it relatively well, we then drove round to other family members and told them too. Everybody understood and some, it turned out, had already had inklings. One thing I noticed though is that my dad took a little while to process the news. A lot of people describe the feeling as having a large weight being lifted from their shoulders and although I used to think it quite cliché, it’s surprising how true the expression is. I finally could be myself and express to everybody who I really was. In retrospect, I can say I have loved every day since.

Not everybody has had it that easy, though, not just in coming out but generally living as gay people of society. Looking back at stories of the past really drags downwards on my heart and I often find it difficult to even imagine how it must have been like to live life as a gay person in the past. The fact that homosexuality was classed as ‘sinful’ is of course, to some people, their opinion. However, to have been told that your feelings and emotional connections with people of the opposite sex were acts of disgrace and should be banned for their ‘shameful’ and ‘disgusting’ practices is a feeling that makes me physically weak at the knees.

Bit of history for you here, but before the formation of the United Kingdom in 1707, anal sex and zoophilia was classed as a punishable offence with hanging as a consequence. Time jump to 1861 and the death penalty was removed for homosexual acts, however, it was still punishable with imprisonment. It’s difficult to read that such laws were once in place and the idea of being imprisoned for my love and my feelings is an image that I have difficulty imagining.

It’s upsetting to me that it took for the turn of the 21st century before homosexuality was recognised and somewhat accepted in society. It took till the year 2000 for gay people to openly serve in the forces and it took a further five years before LGBTQ+ members could even be recognised as joint in company with the legalisation of ‘civil partnerships’ and the ability to adopt/start a family. Astoundingly, it took till 2014 for gay people to be married legally. These events are astounding for me, as they happened in my lifetime; I remember massively the legalisation of gay marriage, and if I am honest I shouldn’t be able to remember, it should have been something I learnt from a textbook not witnessed unfolding on the TV before my eyes.

Despite this, and that brief history lesson, I believe I am incredibly lucky to live as a gay man in modern age United Kingdom. It is a well-known fact that the UK is one of the best and accepting countries in the world to live openly as gay with a majority 76% of Brits agreeing, in a poll by YouGov, that homosexuality should be wholly and openly accepted in UK society, this is one of the highest percentages from any country from across the world. The UK is also known to be one of the gayest parliaments across the world with a total of 45 openly gay MPs; isn’t that amazing?

The UK being a safe place to live as a gay man is truly understandable, especially from my own experiences. It is without a doubt that LGBTQ+ violence and discrimination is present in UK society; however, I am lucky enough to have never really suffered from any of this. My positive experiences I believe reflect this massively. I feel safe walking down the streets hand in hand with my partner, I don’t feel judged when buying a ‘for my boyfriend’ card for Valentine’s Day, and I certainly feel comfortable dining with my partner in a restaurant. These are experiences that, say, 20 years ago, would not have been as easy for members of the LGBTQ+ society.

What I find humbling is when people refer to my boyfriend and me as a couple, or even simply ask ‘how are you and your boyfriend?’ That gives me this warm feeling inside, especially when the word ‘boyfriend’ is said without hesitation, and I think for me that is the real testament as to how times have progressed and are still constantly moving forward. I still believe there is much to do and much more progression is needed especially when homosexuality is perhaps frowned upon or not given enough recognition across ALL media platforms, however, judging by how things used to be, it certainly a step forward.

That being said, though, I find it enthralling the recognition that the LGBTQ+ community receives on national television. The amount of LGBTQ+ characters on screen is an exciting number, one that places gay people in the forefront of television demonstrating how ‘normal’ it is to have gay people around. Despite what anybody says, we’ve been around since the beginning of time. The number of gay athletes and sportspeople is rising every week, showcasing how integrated gay people can be into the lives of everybody… despite the stereotype of gay people not being able to do sport. Though for me, that stereotype is correct.

I think what I’m saying, in my first piece, that I am happy. I’m happy where I am, happy to be who I am in the place where I live. It’s comfortable and accepting… what more could anybody want?

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