How I Ended My Toxic Friendship

I'll start this story from the beginning. I started university in 2017; there was where I met my best friend (now my ex-best friend). We shared every single class together, but he lived 30 minutes away from me when I lived in my uni dorm and we lived in different towns when we lived at home.

Our friendship was amazing: We liked the same music, the same celebrities, movies, and just had a lot in common all round. We went to our first concert together in October 2017. We saw Astrid S and it was the coolest night ever. Although we both knew who the singer was and enjoyed her music, I thought it was so cool that a friend would actually go to a concert with me as I had never gone to one with a friend before.

Things were pretty solid and cool for the first couple of months of starting university but there were small things—petty things that irritated me that this friend would do. One of them was that he was almost always late when we had plans, or he just wouldn't turn up or have the same excuse that he had to go out with his mother.

His relationship with his boyfriend was toxic and complicated as well, and as his friend I always took his side, but they were always arguing and fighting, on and off all the time. But I was there for my friend, I even kept that time he made out with and then hooked up with some random guy after we had gone out clubbing. I could've told his boyfriend—I should have, but he was my best friend and I cherished that greatly as someone who struggles to make friends. Not to mention the countless Grindr accounts he made whilst still in a relationship.

Another thing he did a lot was introduce me to his friends from home, they'd come out with his and I had a great time but the next day he would bad mouth them to me behind their backs, it made me wonder if he ever did that to me.

This year was when things went downhill, I remember when I would discover and express my love for new artists I had found he would talk shit about them, like; if they weren't on a popular record label or if they did one small thing they were trash. But the minute I would do it to any of the artists he liked I would get attacked, and "I thought you were my friend" thrown at me—even when this singer had done something extremely terrible. But I apologised like the idiot I am.

Fast forward to this year, October. I was so excited for Halloween because I had decided to stay at uni because I went home last year. I asked my friend if we could go out and he said yes, I had ordered my blue wig as I was going as Coraline, he wasn't sure what he was going to go as but I gave him my white wig as an idea—I was so excited. However, I hadn't heard from him in two days before Halloween... Tuesday evening he told me he had to go to Nottingham with his other friend (who he bad mouths all the time) to help with selling glitter pots. I was so upset and angry, I had planned to spend the week with him and he just ditched. I went home upset and spent Halloween with my younger sister—I still dressed up and got cute pictures but behind the smiles I was heart broken. Deep down I knew it was too good to be true, he had been known for doing this to me.

I believe in karma, so when we both got back to uni he told me how much he regrets going with his friend, his shitty makeup had stained his face and he did most of the work, got drunk and yelled at. I said I'm sorry he had a bad time but deep down I was scream I told you so. Why didn't you just stay with me. His excuse was, he thought that it was the week after Halloween—which makes no sense since it was a Halloween event and we were back in uni then. Also, he never even told me about it beforehand?

By this time I had enough of all of this. I was his slave, taking pictures of him when he needed, editing them out of the goodness of my heart, meeting him places, going to all the places he wanted to go to. I asked him if we could go to a museum together, and he would say someday, maybe next week. The time would roll by and he would make excuses not to go. So I ended up going with an ex-flatmate he lived down the road and had a great time, this friend always knew how to cheer me up.

Roll on November and we were all getting ready to go out for his birthday, we planned that the Friday before we were going to go out with him and his boyfriend. It was a great night and I actually paid for my own drinks since he would love complaining about how he buys drinks for everyone —even when we didn't ask him, too. Him and his boyfriend fought again as they always did. My other friend was there too and I wanted to talk to him but this toxic friend was ignoring him and it was super awkward.

Now, this is where it all wen downhill, we were also meant to go out on Sunday but my money was running out and I had to save for food, Christmas, my phone bill and giving my mom money as she and my dad had just separated, we also had classes in the morning and I didn't really want to stay out late and get drunk. He seemed fine with me not going out that night with him but Monday morning he completely ignored every single text I had sent him. I looked on Snap maps to see where he was and he was where our first class was, so I assumed he had left without me and I asked him if he did; to which he was cold towards me and I felt bad, I apologised and he continued to ignore me. I have anxiety and this all caused me to have endless panic attacks and I did end up self-harming.

My mom rushed to pick me up because I was a mess. My friend continued to ignore me until the next morning, when he then blamed me for everything. I decided to end our friendship. I was always there for him in times of need, but he was never there for me—and this night proved that.

I blocked him and he blocked me.

I am proud of myself for ending this toxic friendship. I will embrace new friendships in the upcoming year and I encourage everyone going through similar things as I have/am to put themselves first.