Phoenix Lawson
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How I Know I Was Born Gay

Being gay has just always been a part of me.

Me in 2002

I had my first crush the first day I attended school. It was during my first day in kindergarten. My class was learning how to introduce ourselves to our peers, and a boy across the room introduced himself. 

When I was of that age, I had no way of knowing sexual orientation but this boy was fascinating to me. He had been beautiful before I learned the word for it. I didn’t know I was not supposed to like boys, and so I developed a crush on this boy. 

I began to realize I was gay. I didn’t have a word to explain what this meant and I also couldn’t associate it with my own self. I knew I truly liked this boy in my class and I had no outside influence on that. No one in my life sat me down and told me what being gay was and no person told me I HAD to be gay.

Being gay has just always been a part of me. Throughout high school and elementary school, I liked boys and didn’t have the same feeling towards girls. Boys were just simply something I was born liking, not something I woke up and chose to want.

Learning More

Just a Bit of Humor 

What I began to learn in class was not only did I love shouting out the alphabet, but I loved staring at the other boy. I was young and knew nothing of what anything was in the means of sexual orientation. I just knew I wanted to impress this boy and I knew he was special in my childhood.

As I grew I noticed that I had never been told what a gay person was. I was gay before I even knew other boys. This memory has remained in my mind for years, and I encourage you to believe someone when they say they were born gay. 

My mother did not seem to believe me when I first told her I liked boys. She seemed to think I was copying someone or just faking it. But as the years have passed, she has discovered how serious I was as I am happily in a relationship with a man and have been for a long time. She has no issue with same-sex couples, but she just couldn’t understand why I was gay.

Regardless of what the world thinks, I know I was born gay. No scientist, no doctor, no religious leader can tell me who I am nor can they belittle my sexuality. Being gay is a beautiful thing. There are many people in this world who believe their sexuality is not valid because of what older people tell them. If you or someone you know is questioning their sexuality, the first step is to figure out who you are. Find what things make you feel happy, make sure you know who you are. 

It's okay to not know who you are all the time. You don't have to be one thing or another just because someone told you so. You get to shape your own future, and that is the beautiful part about being human. We all get to feel things and enjoy life as it comes at us. I also encourage you to not be afraid. The world is going to throw all kinds of nonsense your way, and you're going to endure things you don't want to. You have to stay strong and seek the light of others in order to brighten your own self. 

Make sure you are always being who YOU want you to be, and not what THEY want you to be. You are important, and you were born this way. As humans, we see so much terrible evil in the world, but we fail to realize the worth of all the good we are capable of. 

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