How I Learned Who NOT to Date

A little over a year ago, I was in a bad spot in my life, living in a crappy, two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment with my parents, sister, and my mother’s coworker. I was a clean-cut girl who did not do anything. I was 18 and still a virgin, waiting until marriage.

Things started to go downhill when I met a boy who lived across the courtyard. I started to fall for this guy and one night, I found he felt the same way, so we decided to have a relationship on the down low. A few days later, I told my parents and they were not happy.

After about five days of dating the boy, he took my innocence. My parents found out a couple of days later and were infuriated. My mother made me take off my purity ring and give it to her because I did not deserve to wear it anymore.

On that day, the boy and I decided to take a break for a couple of days. We got back together only to officially break up two days later because he “did not know me well enough.” Three days later, I find out he had moved on and it absolutely broke my heart.

About a month went by and I was hanging out with a few people including the boy and his new girlfriend. We were talking about us and what happened. During this conversation, I find out he only dated me to take my virginity. Someone asked if he had my v-card in his back pocket and he said he threw it away.

At the end of July, my best friend and her friend moved in with us because her mother kicked them out of her house. I immediately started to fall for her friend. He kept saying how he needed to have sex with someone and I offered. One day, he was drunk and wanted to go on a walk so I went with him to make sure he did not do anything stupid.

He then told me he wanted to take me up on my offer so of course I did. This went on for a couple of months: just sex, no relationship. I tried hiding my feelings from him so nothing would get messy but that did not work. After a couple of months, he told me he knew the entire time.

We had many arguments about whether to continue or not. After a few weeks of not continuing, we hooked up again. This went on for months. We moved to a different city than my hometown because we were evicted from the apartment.

After a month of living with my grandparents, we found an apartment that my parents, my sister, the boy, and I moved into. One night, we went into mine and my sister’s room while everyone was asleep in the living room. We were making out which I knew something was up because he never kissed me. He whispers in my ear, “I’m starting to catch feelings” and my heart stopped.

I did not think it was real. I was so shocked, but he was not lying. This went on for a couple of days when we told my sister and my parents and made it official. Throughout our week relationship, he was distant. Anytime we went somewhere, he would not hold my hand in public. The only time we would do anything along those lines were at home.

The Saturday leading up to Thanksgiving, he left to his hometown to visit his family. I thought he was going to be back the following week but a day before he was supposed to be coming back, he told us his family wanted him to stay until January for Christmas. After that, he completely cut us off.

All he did was use me. He used my family for food and a roof over his head. He used me for sex. I bent over backwards for him all for nothing. I do not even think he meant anything throughout our relationship. Needless to say, I have definitely learned what kind of guy not to fall for.

I have cleaned up my act since then. I had a job that I loved. With the job, I got my car and apartment. I now have a boyfriend that I love very much and he treats me like a queen, but it took a lot for me to find him. I had meaningless sex for months, not looking for a relationship since I could never find someone who did not want to use me. My current boyfriend and I were only supposed to be friends-with-benefits but we both fell for each other fast and hard and I am so glad we did.