How My Life Would Be Different If I Had Better Listening Skills

Hearing is the act of perceiving sound by ear. Listening is something you consciously choose to do.

There have been plenty of times when I ramble on and on about nothing, but when it's someone else's turn to speak, I lose focus. Don't get me wrong, I don't do it on purpose, it's as if my brain can't sit still. Why should I expect people to listen to what I have to say when I can't do the same? It comes off as selfish whenever people are talking to me and I zone out, even after they've sat there for 10 minutes listening to me. It's the same with everybody: friends, family, even teachers! At first, I thought I was being selfish, then later on I realized that I don't listen the same as everyone else, I listen better when I'm distracted.

I know... it sounds like I made it up as an excuse to not have to listen to people, but trust me, it works!!!

I came to this realization not too long ago, when my sister was telling me about something that happened between her and her friend. I was playing guitar hero on my DS while my sister was talking; I would respond to her, ask her questions, make comments, and that's when I realized... I was listening the entire time. I was so focused and concentrated on my game, how could I have heard everything she said AND responded? After she was finished, she looked at me and said, "Bro, I'm surprised you actually listened." I nodded in agreement and confusion. No matter how hard I've tried in the past to listen to somebody, I've never been able to stay focused.

I looked it up, and apparently it's common for people to listen better while distracted. I wasn't so special anymore. I've even looked back and noticed how when I take notes in class, if I doodle on the page then I'm able to remember what's being taught. Or when my parents lecture me, I start to find something to fidget with, so they don't catch me zoning out.

It all started to make sense, so I put it to the test.

I had one of my friends come over to spend the day with me, not telling her what I was up to. My plan was to update her on my life, and when it's her turn to talk, I'd spend half the time trying to focus on what she was telling me, and the other half playing guitar hero on my DS. I wanted to see if she noticed how well I listened using both methods. After we were finished talking, I told her about my plan; she agreed that I listened better playing my DS, which is what I was expecting, to prove my point.

If I had normal listening skills, or if I would've discovered how to listen while being distracted sooner in my life, my life would be much different. Here's how:

First off, I would've gotten in a lot less trouble, because I would pay attention when my parents told me not to do something. That may not seem like a big deal, but I get in trouble with my parents a majority of the time. If I would've listened to them, they would trust me more, and I'd have more opportunities to actually leave my house.

Second off, I'd probably still have quite a few friends. I realize now that the friends that I had, were most likely fed up with being in a one-sided friendship. Although, I try my best to listen to others, I can't help that I lose focus easily.

And finally, I'd still be with my ex-boyfriend. That isn't a bad thing, but not listening to him and learning more about him was one of the factors that led to our breakup.

Whether or not you struggle with listening, it's very important that you show people that you hear what they're saying by maintaining eye contact, nodding your head, letting them speak before asking a question/making a comment, because it reassures them that what they're saying is important. Everybody deserves to be heard.