How People Say I Love You

Am I in a relationship? No.

But that certainly doesn't mean that I do not have people in the world whom I love.

One of my best friends and I parted ways for at least four months about two weeks ago. It was really hard because I have never loved a friend like I love her. As the time of my leaving was coming up we knew what was happening; I was leaving for four months to work across the country and then as I was arriving back home she is planning to be moving across the world to a different country. With this looming possibility upon us it became harder and harder for us to say goodbye.

Finally, on my last day in town, we met up and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not an emotional person by anybody's standards, but while saying goodbye, the little bitch made me cry. Wanna know what I told her? "You stupid little bitch, you made me cry. I hate you so much." Wanna know what she did? She wrapped me in a hug and said, "I know, I love you too."

I just got off the phone with her. It has been approximately two weeks now since I last saw her. One of the first things she did? She made fun of me for crying when we said goodbye.

See, this is how WE say I love you. When most friends part ways for a while they do the whole; "I'll miss you," "I love you," "Promise to keep in touch," kind of stuff which I did with other friends I said goodbye to. This by no means means that I do not love those friends. Each one of them has had a significant impact on my life and I will carry those relationships forever.

All I am saying is that sometimes there are different kinds of love for different relationships/friendships.

I tell my best friend that I hate her in order to tell her I love her, because I hate that she has had such a huge impact on my life. Before I met her I was a very lonely person, I did not have a lot of friends, and the friends I did have just didn't feel like the ones.

In life, and TV shows especially, when you hear someone say the "L" word people try and use it to find context. Like when someone comes up to you and tells you their boyfriend or girlfriend said "I love you" for the first time there is a load of questions about HOW they said it, or the SITUATION it was said in, or even WHY they said it. Sometimes, I will admit, I think of these questions, but what I notice is that this person was just told someone loves them, why are you running them over with these questions? Just be happy for them. Why does it matter the context behind the use of the word when what is important is the fact that someone loves them no matter how they were told.

There is no good or bad way to tell someone you love them. To my best friend, I tell her I hate her, and she knows I obviously love her. And of course my other friends, while I may not say "I hate you" to express my love they know I love them because I know how to express my love for someone the "traditional" way. I also know that one day I will find someone who means the world to me and when I meet him I will say "I love you" in the romantic sense, and I know that he will too, and when he does I will get all girly and I will tell all my friends and there is a good chance they will ask me all kinds of questions, but I will know that no matter how, why, or when they do, if I know it then I will believe that they do.

There is no one good way to tell someone you love them, either romantically or platonically, because if they know you well enough then no matter how you say it they will know it.