How Sociology Ruined My Best Friendship

While studying the sociological aspects of popular culture: following how relationships were shaped and viewed by audiences always fascinated me. While uncovering tropes in heterosexual relationships, I came across the idea of the Lesbian Continuum (originally used by Alexander Doty). In essence, the Lesbian Continuum can be described as somewhere between homosociality and homosexuality.

Homosexuality is easy enough to define. The romantic attraction to the same gender.

Homosociality, on the other hand, is the projected attraction to the same gender. In media, homosociality is represented as the bromance of Joey and Chandler or companionship of Ethel and Lucy. All four of these characters are heterosexual individuals, often times being themselves in heterosexual relationships. However, it is the relationships that these characters share together—outside of there heterosexual relationships—that demonstrates this homosocial phenomenon. These actions can be summed together as actions one could associate with a couple: deeply caring for one another, protecting each other, and spending substantial time with one another. While these actions might not bleed homosexual desires for one another, in an industry still dominated by heterosexual companionship, as viewers, the queer audience is able to make these connections in order to seemingly see themselves represented in television.

The key connection when understanding these correlations is that these relationships are defined by observing the actions of the characters by the audience.

By this point, I suppose the question can be asked: "How does a sociological theory directed towards media affect real-world relationships?"

To put it short, it doesn't—or at least it shouldn't. Being able to step out of a relationship (friendly or romantic), I think, is a very responsible way to ensure that you are able to weigh the true value of any relationship. I don't mean you are a putting a price on friendships, but rather, ensuring that the relationship is balanced, fair, and healthy. Being able to take a step back and understand that you are being taken advantage of is something that takes time and practice—but in the long run, it can save you the time and burden of being dragged through the mud due to an unbalanced relationship.

So, if taking a bird's eye view of your own relationships can potentially save you, why did it, at least in my case, destroy months of happiness?

Well... by constantly taking these steps back and sharing snapshots (literal screenshots of conversations or recaps on our time together) with friends, I transformed my own relationship into a spectacle, something to be watched, something to be critiqued and analyzed. I'm not insinuating that sharing your experiences with others will lead to this destruction, but looking for something that isn't there definitely plays tricks on your brain.

Let me explain... This friendship stemmed from my advances of attempting a romantic relationship with this individual. While my advances were met with reservations, he was in the game of making friends, and, naively enough, accepted the offer in the false hopes that this friendship would someday blossom into a loving relationship.

By allowing myself the temptation of dreaming that my hoped outcome would succeed, I took every kind gesture, every loving word, and every speculation of advances from friends with a gain of sugar (the antithesis of "a grain of salt"?).

If the parallels aren't fully apparent yet: If myself and this other individual were cast in a TV show, with a relationship similar to those of Ethel and Lucy or Joey and Chandler, I was also taking part of the audience, discussing the nuances and hidden meanings of our dialogue, manufacturing the possibility that as characters in this hypothetical scenario, we were canonically meant to be together.

Ridiculously convoluted, sure. But if anything can be taken from this, it should be read as an interesting phenomenon in which different areas of sociological study can cross over in interesting and unexpected ways. In more ways that one, media has become more integrated with our personal lives and this is really just an extreme exaggeration of that idea.