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I guess the answer would be to eat a lot of sh*t on a daily basis. That's it, folks. I've fully answered the question. Don't bother to read beyond this point. Well, I guess I need to write something to get a few cents. Got to feed the family and pay the bills, man!
I've got a close family member jailed. My heart breaks when I think of him. Serving in that cold jail so many years of sentence. I send him some money now and then. I feel better knowing that he'll be able to buy some chocolate and a pack of cigarettes. I feel better knowing that he'll feel better just a bit.
I'm single again. My ex and I haven't found enough mutual ground to build a steady and quality relationship. Who knows, maybe we'll make peace and end up together again. I sincerely hope we'll be able to work something out. I miss her company, our conversations, and our love making.
Luckily or not, I have lost enough times in life, therefore, I'm kinda prepared for troubles. At least I can claim that troubles don't hurt me today as they did before. I've hardened a lot. Maybe it has something to do with the work and lectures of certain person I wrote about. Who knows? I think it has.
I've lost two members of family in the last two years. It makes an impact on one's soul. It really does. I feel more calm thinking that they're having a better time in the next world than they did on this one. Both of them had a lot of trouble trying to sustain a normal life. It could be partly their fault, partly the fault of society. I know I can't realistically put the blame on society, but they were born before the 60s. They felt and thought about community different than us today.
My health isn't getting better either. Both of my knee caps hurt. I should decrease the amount of exercise to have my body recover for a certain time. Yes, I'll remove my foot off the gas a little bit.
What do you do when destiny and karma collude in order to screw you? I guess you can go to pub, have a pint of beer, eat some chicken wings, watch the UFC event on the TV, and later on, check the back page and bang a prostitute. Or go to an Asian massage and have a happy ending there.
I don't know. There are a lot of ways to alleviate the suffering of life. Someone could say we should voluntarily take the responsibility and find meaning in that. I believe they'll be right. But... since we're only humans, and quite sinful humans, I'd say we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves for slipping now and then. 364 days in a year, I'll pick myself up from the bottom and strive to achieve something meaningful, but... don't put too much blame on me when I fall short that one day in the year.
That one day, I'll fall in the pit, drink too much beer, eat few chicken wings, watch some high quality MMA fights, and bang a hooker. That'll be a remembrance day, the day when I'll remember I'm just a human animal. At least the next day, I'll be able to look up and start to rise again. I'll be able to go from zero onward. Maybe/possibly to hero.
It makes me wonder, can we actually go all the time in a positive direction? Can the line of our life always go straight up? Or do we need to fall now and then just to create that distance from which we can measure our progress better?
I'm not quite sure what the answer should be. But for me personally, that answer should be... yes. I need that little fall now and then just to be able to rise again. There's an old saying: "It's not a shame to fall, it's a shame not to get up." I believe that the tragedies of my family members and my personal ones conditioned me to this fall and rise dynamics.
I honestly wouldn't know how to go all the way up. Maybe I'm too old now to relearn. Maybe my psyche and/or my biology is predetermined for this outcome. I don't know. But I know one thing: No matter what difficulty, I'll overcome it.