How to Deal With Dating Someone Richer Than You

My current boyfriend and I were old classmates of one another, and we recently reconnected and started dating. We had similar upbringings, but while my parents were remortgaging the house for the third time to pay for tuition fees, my boyfriend was touring the world with his family. I'm not putting myself on a high horse or chastising my boyfriend's family for their way of life, for they are genuinely kind and warm people whom I love spending time with. My boyfriend's values and my values are well-aligned with one another, and I honestly couldn't imagine being with anybody else. But sometimes issues do arise when you are dating someone of a different wealth bracket, and these are some ways to handle it like a damn adult.

1. Their love is still real love.

In my experience, I had this deep-rooted anxiety that my partner only liked me because he envisioned me to be someone who I was not (wealth status included). This gave me a warped vision of whether or not his love for me was genuine.

It can be easy to worry about things like this, but I realise now how untrue it is. Your partner will love you for you; however much money you do or do not bring to the table is irrelevant. Your partner loves you for your childish laugh when someone funny happens, and the way you eat your pizza, and the way you talk to your pet cat. Their love for you has nothing to do with wealth because it's about how they feel when they're with you.

2. Talk about it.

There's a reason that communication always comes out on top when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships and resolving issues, and this is no exception. It takes trust in your partner and in the strength of your relationship to have this conversation, as money is largely a sensitive issue, but having this conversation could save you many sleepless nights in the long-run.

Recently, my boyfriend suggested we go to Paris for the weekend, and whilst he was listing off all the museums we could visit and restaurants where we could eat, all I could think of was the money I would somehow need to magically accrue to afford this. The sentimental gesture behind wanting to go was something I appreciated and found sweet, but I couldn't be dishonest about the fact that I simply couldn't afford to go.

In this situation, it can easily turn into a "You vs. Them," grudge-match about how you're in a financially unstable situation because you're shelling out more than you can realistically afford in order to be with them. But when you're having this conversation, reassure them and yourself of your love for them, and change it into a teamwork mindset to find a resolution to this perceived issue.

In my scenario, my boyfriend was wholly understanding and we both worked through it to find a compromise that we were both happy with. We are now going to a petting zoo! For which I am incredibly excited about. After all, it should be remembered that it's not necessarily what you do, but who you're with that makes an experience memorable and cherished.

3. You don't have to match them.

If your partner comes from wealth, dropping a lot of money on gifts and trips may be common for them, but for you it would mean forgoing rent for next month. Love can make you do crazy things, and you might find yourself wanting to match up to them in terms of spending on a present, but don't put yourself in jeopardy to do this.

Gifts are often a way to show your partner that you are thinking of them, care about them, and love them. Gifts should not be a way to show off wealth or to buy affection. Adopting the mindset of what a gift should represent gives you a multitude of ways to give your partner an amazing, heartfelt gift without putting yourself in a financially compromising position. My personal favourite route for all gifts is adding a personal touch, to show that I know my recipient well and am making it their own. If you know what your partner's hobbies are, create gifts that complement these hobbies, or if you know things like what junk food your partner likes or what they like to unwind, a personalised box filled with their favourite things are likely to be cherished and appreciated for a long time. These are only two examples of amazing presents you can give to your S/O without breaking the bank. (And I'll likely put the rest of the ideas in a separate article!)

4. Love them for who they are.

It can be oh so easy to get lost in the preoccupations and anxiety you may harbour towards dating someone who is richer than you, and it can easily cast a negative light on your partner which can be a real relationship killer. But, take a step back and remember all the things you love about them and wouldn't change for the world. Maybe it's the way they hum whilst brushing their teeth, or how silly and cute their hair looks in the morning. Maybe it's the way they hold your hand when you're on a walk together. All of these things are real things you love about your partner (or in my case, some of the things I love about mine), and money or no money doesn't change the fact that you love them and that they love you too.

You should never feel like you're not enough in a relationship, and I'm sure it would break your partner's heart to know that you felt that way. So, hopefully this article can help in relieving money worries in a relationship where one party is wealthier than the other. Remember that you want to be with this person, and they want to be with you too.