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So, I like to attempt to make people better. You know, to help people. To give them the love that they probably need in their life. I've been this way my whole life so it's nothing new. But when I started dating it got bad. I appealed to a certain type of guy whom I should have stayed away from. I appealed to the heartbroken and angry. And I'm not saying it was their fault. You'll understand the more you read.
My first couple relationships were chill. No issues. But that was also because I didn't take them very seriously. Then, well, the ones who hid and pushed their emotions and anger down started to pop out of the blue.
The first one of them, well we'll call him Poop, cause he shit all over our relationship. We dated for a while and at the time it was the longest relationship I had been in. He had gone through mommy issues and had family problems. I always tried to make him happy and I did a lot for him. He never intended on yelling or cussing at me, or so he said.
Then when we were together for almost a year, he left the room after we had done the you-know-what, and right then his phone started going off like someone was trying to get his attention at that very second. I looked and it was one of my old friends. I saw some messages and found out he was cheating on me with her and had been doing it for a few months. Then I saw another conversation and he was messing with another girl as well. I showed him and asked what it was, and he couldn't even say anything. I ran out and called my ride. I was crying on the curbside for half an hour.
Now the worst is yet to come. I had a little boyfriend after him and he was, what they call a fuckboy. He messed around with anyone, and I mean anyone. I only found out because he tried to mess with my cousin, and she told me and sent me what he had said to her. I was furious. Then, I was into the next a few months later.
Now this one got extremely serious. We'll call him Max. Now Max and I both make music and that's how we met. We wanted to be together almost immediately. We were wild, but he had issues throughout his entire life. He lost his grandma who was more like a mom to him, his mom was on drugs, and he didn't see his dad very often. There's more, but if I mention it all, this would get too long. But anyways, he was messed up and had problems. I just wish I noticed sooner. We found out I was 9 weeks pregnant in August. We have a little girl now, but before, during, and after that, his anger issues started showing. We would argue, but it would get ridiculous. I mean, just messed up.
During the time I was pregnant, he started losing it and I don't think he could handle what was happening. He usually smoked weed, but he started smoking a lot more and downing half bottles or even full bottles of E&J anytime of the day. And then he would be pissed. Even when I was in labor, he was acting up. Then, there was the bong incident.
On this day, my daughter was only about 2months old. I had just gotten her to take her midday nap, and here he comes. I told him to be quiet and he loses it. He started getting physical and put his hands on me. I ran to my room, and then outside. I grabbed and hid his alcohol and weed along with his bong. He almost broke my door and I told him I wouldn't give him the bong until he stopped.
When I said that, there was a fire in his eyes. He pushed me on the ground. That knocked the air out of me. I started crying and I hear my daughter waking up and making little noises. He didn't seem to care. I could barely breathe and he picks me up and grabs my neck. He had me leaving back and was choking me. I thought I was going to die and my baby would never get to know me. I started clenching onto his arm and tried to reach his hair. I just pointed to where I hid the bong. He let go, grabbed it, got the rest of his stuff, and left. I ran to my daughter and held her.
I broke up with him not long after. He tries to stay in my life, but his only excuse is our daughter now. I will never be with him again.
Not only is this about being with broken people, but a psychopath. He gave me bruises and cuts before, but that was when I knew that he wasn't what I deserve. No one deserves guys who treat them like this. Like any of these. I promise, all of these are true. All of this happened to me. Lesson learned, and all I can say is that no one deserves someone like these people and if you ever find yourself being OK with it, then you need to find out who you are.
Thank you for reading.