How to Get Over a Heartbreak

Realistically and Without Going Back to Them

Heartbreak. It just sucks.

Here are a few tips to help you make your heartbreak easier to go through. You will be fine, I promise.

A) Control

How are you supposed to move on if you have the option to stalk him or her all day, in your bed, reminiscing about past memories and missing the crap out of them? We all stalk (some more than others, obviously!), check which other people are liking our bae's pictures and compare every inch of our bodies (and minds, possibly, even through social media) to those people whom we view as competition, and naturally become a little jealous with. In our day and age, it seems impossible to live in the moment without wanting to be fed information on what and who we are interested in. Fear not, it isn't! With the following technique, you won't be able to obsess over their 'active 50 minutes ago' update status on Messenger or trying to figure where on earth they are on the Snapchat map.

Ask your ex to block your phone number and your profiles on all your social media. This way, you will not be able to stress about what he's doing every time of day, if he's seeing someone else already (through his likes, stories, follows, posts, etc.)

You cannot ask your ex to block you for whatever reason? Block him yourself, or put a self-control app and software on your phone and computer. The downside to this is that you can lack self-control and willingly decide to unblock the person whenever you miss them or just can't handle to not know anymore.

Eventually, you will be able to see his stuff again by asking him to unblock you by email, by calling him from another phone, or by asking one of his friend (to whom you feel comfortable to confide in that you asked your ex to block you) to ask your ex to unblock you. However, please only do this when you are ready: meaning when you know you won't stalk him at all times of day and compare yourself too negatively to their potential new love interest.

This method works really well cause it forces you to wonder less about what they are doing and who they are with and allows you to be comfortable with being alone again. It permits you to fall in love again with the most person in your life: yourself!

B) Reach out (for help from professionals) for your own damn mental health.

Reading this and feeling absolutely dead? Feeling like you've lost everything? Like everything has been taken away from you? Not seeing the point to even be here anymore since your breakup?

You matter and people are out there for you.

Hotlines. Crisis centers. Psychologists. There are so many out there, both in the private and public sectors, everywhere in the world.

C) Sadness demands to be felt (a.k.a. cry it out!).

As comforting as it might be to reminisce over your now ended relationship, it will just make you sadder in the long run. You can't miss someone back into your life! Even if you could, it wouldn't be beneficial or healthy for ya! Focus on listening, seeing, and hearing things which are positive or voice your feelings.

Most importantly, express how you feel. Cry as much as you have to, call friends, family, helplines, chat with people online about the topic (anonymous crisis lines, Tumblr mutuals, Instagram mutuals whom you trust, etc.).

If necessary, crash at a friend's house for a couple days to forget the memories made at your house with your ex, if any were made, and focus on yourself.

It is your time to be selfish. If you don't allow yourself to be, I am telling you right now that the world thinks it's okay for you to be selfish right now.

D) Friendship + Ex = ?

Remember that you do not owe your ex anything, that you are a bad bitch and that you deserve someone who loves you entirely and constantly for the truly incredible person you are.

With that said, you do not owe your ex friendship, sex or anything else. If that person broke your heart, made you unhappy and overall wasn't the greatest for you (which can sometimes be difficult to accept and realize, but I'm convinced that you'll have the strength to recognize that and that your closest friends, family or work members will help you shed light on the situation and realize that you deserve better) you shouldn't feel a pressure to keep their friends in your life, remain friends with them 'just to not seem dramatic or immature', have sex with them because they miss you or keep them in your life at all.

If you feel ready to be friends with your ex (because they were your best friend in the first place and have allowed yourself enough time to heal, reflect and build yourself back up, for instance), go ahead, but respect your limits. You know this person very well emotionally and physically. Make sure you set boundaries concerning what is okay and what is not. Changing in front of them, talking about who you find attractive, talking about upcoming dates may trigger you even if it didn't before and that is okay. Just make sure you tell them makes you comfortable and uncomfortable and offer them to open up in the same way.

E) Building Self Love Back Up

You are worthy of love and one breakup doesn't make you unlovable. Certain people aren't meant to be together and with time you will learn to accept that with a little help, I promise.

Something not working out does not make you (or your ex, for that matter) more flawed than the other one. It just makes you two not compatible.

F) We are (literally) all in this together!

I did just quote High School Musical, but for good reason.

Although it is one of the hardest things to deal with, heartbreak is a universal experience through which every single human will almost certainly go in their lifetime, thought which I hope will remind you that you are not alone and that even if I'm phrasing it weirdly, whilst you are struggling, other people are too. Use this sense of community and shared feelings and thoughts to uplift yourself and find tips with others!

F.1) Finding Comfort in Our Loved Ones

Who are you closest with? Think about it. Now, whether they are a friend, teacher, family member or whomever, that person. YOUR person has most likely already gone through a heartbreak. If they have, pour your heart out to them and I guarantee that you will AT LEAST feel understood by that individual. Why? Because you know they have felt a similar pain to yours, whether their skills to comfort and console you are amazing or bad and because you will have externalized your pain a little.

Moreover, don't underestimate family, especially older family members such as moms, dads, uncles, aunts, grandmothers, grandfathers, etc. Their wise side comes from their life baggage, from their past traumatic and good experiences all mixed together into their current intelligence. It can be hard to open up to family depending on your situation, but gathering up your courage to dare to talk about this touchy but so often experienced subject that is heartbreak to a family member can REALLY make things easier for you. Your family will understand possibly why you have been feeling down lately, as well as might be able to give you tips, advice, and LOVE!

F.2) The comfort in talking to strangers.

Instagram, metros, parks, classes, senior homes, malls, Tumblr, Reddit: you name it, the possibilities to meet people or communicate are infinite. If you have the courage to (remember: what's the worse that could happen? Someone refusing to speak to you?) dare to break the continuity of daily life and talk to the people around you whom you know nothing about in a gentle way.

Approach them in a way of your own and maybe ask advice on how to deal with your situation, without sounding desperate, insisting, or rude.

Pretend you are a backpacker, alone in a foreign country, looking to make friends on a seven-hour train ride: no pressure, just looking to talk to your seat neighbor in a calm way. 

F.3) Internet, a Savior

Another aspect to community support includes the oh so wonderful INTERNET, which you have definitely figured out by this point if you have reached this article.

Use resources to help yourself, such as Youtube, WikiHow, life coach blogs (check out Matthew Hussey), Tumblr, poetry books (Milk and Honey or The Sun and Her Flowers by the amazing Rupi Kaur), movies, playlists and others which all HELP YOU MOVE ON and MAKE YOU FEEL UNDERSTOOD.

Grab your favorite snacks, drinks, snuggle up with a comfy blanket and watch the following videos, after which I guarantee you will feel better.

Savannah Brymer's Three-Part Heartbreak Talk

1) HEARTBREAK PEP TALK.

2) MY FIRST HEARTBREAK: HEARTBREAK PEP TALK PT 2

3) HEARTBREAK PEP TALK PT 3: LUST VS LOVE, MOVING PAST MEMORIES, AND MORE!

Matthew Hussey (he’s amazing and very reassuring)

Jennxpenn's video about her self-love journey(a gem of a video for motivating yourself to work on bettering your self-esteem).

Other Amazing Videos:

Natalie Barbu (a great one to feel understood)

Kenzie Elizabeth (leaves you happier, makes you look at your breakup from a different perspective and makes you laugh)

Salice Rose (the most empowering video I've watched)

What About Music? I got you.

G) Overreacting? Nah

Some are heartbroken over crushes who don't like them back, over the end of a ten-year relationship, over a three week, six months, two days relationship that ended, and every. single. situation. mentioned above is valid and okay to be sad about.

H) Final Tips

Do not compare your emotional recovery process to those of others or find yourself dramatic and beat yourself up for being sad for a while.

A relationship and the emotions that surround the whole experience (beginning, middle, and end) are extremely personal and no one should judge you for them or how you react to them.

You are the most important person in your life and you should love yourself first (or at least be far into the process of constantly taking care of yourself) before loving someone else.

Your feelings are valid.

Take your time, you've got this.

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