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So, in the not so distant past, I was in a long-term relationship. I’d spent two years with a man, and I was almost certain we were slowly beginning down that path of commitment and happily ever after.
We had booked this romantic getaway, we’d spent a week in paradise, lapping up the sun and exploring. When we got home, I didn’t get the ring I’d been hoping for. Nope. I got dumped.
It hurt. A lot. And I remember thinking, "What’s wrong with me? How can someone spend two years of his life with me to just run for the hills?" Turns out he hadn’t run for the hills, but instead, he had run into the arms of the woman he’d cheated on me with.
I was devastated. But instead of eating my weight in ice cream, I followed this simple advice.
1. Call in sick.
Whether you are working or in college... stay home. You have suffered a loss. You need a few days to cry. Sob your heart out. Eat chocolate, watch sad films, and really feel your loss. Throw yourself a one woman (or man) pity party.
It hurts! Let it hurt for a while.
Sometimes breakups can hurt more than if they had actually died. They chose to leave. You have every right to cry for 48 hours straight if that is what you want to do.
2. Delete his number.
Suffer your loss without him knowing about it. Maintain your dignity. You don’t want to text him at 3 AM telling him you miss him. It really wouldn’t help. (Trust me.)
Delete his number. Delete him on social media—or hide him from your timeline at the very least. Don’t bite if he posts anything about your breakup, and definitely don’t comment if he has another partner already. You are classy. You are above that behaviour.
Let him look foolish if he wants to.
3. Make plans.
You have three days of mourning—that is it. On the fourth day, get up, go out to work/school, and smile. Fake it until you make it.
Make plans with your friends or your family, go for dinner, go shopping, visit home.
Avoid talking about your ex. Ban him from your conversations. If you were with this person for a long time, that might seem difficult at first. Ask about your friend's and family's lives. Talk about plans for the future. Discuss hobbies. DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX.
4. Do not make drastic decisions.
Rule: No life-changing decisions until (at least) three months after a breakup.
All of a sudden feel like cutting your long hair into a bob? Thinking about dying it purple? Deciding to migrate to Africa?
Now is not the time. Take some time. Get back into your life. You don’t need to do anything like that right now.
5. Make the hand-off as soon as possible.
Bag up their stuff—all of it. Place it by your front door and text them to get it. You do not have to be there if you can’t handle it. Ask your friend to deal with it for you, ask a family member to do it if you can’t—that is okay.
Make sure you do this within a week of the breakup. Seeing reminders is only going to make the healing process harder.
If you are going to deal with this alone, don’t engage. Hand them their stuff, grab your stuff, and wish them well. Close the door.
Don’t get into an argument or dredge up the past. Don’t tell them you love them. Don’t call them the names you want to call them because you have a very broken heart.
Let them leave. Maintain as much dignity as you can. Be brave, we know it’s hard.
6. Remember this isn’t forever.
Broken hearts do heal. It takes time, but you will be okay. Hang in there.
Something (or someone) better may be just around the corner.
I hope this helped and I really hope you feel better soon. Be gentle with yourself. You will be okay.