How To Get Past the Fake It Till You Make It Phase

We’ve all heard it before.

“Fake it till you make it!”

Most success, dating, and life coaches I know believe (or at least pretend to believe) in the "fake it till you make it" approach. As a result of that, most guys on various dating forums believe that they just have to fake being an awesome guy in order to become one.

They really believe that all you have to do in order to become successful with women is to tell yourself over and over again that you are the best pick-up artist in the world. They really believe that all you have to do to actually be confident is to appear confident.

Well, about three years ago, I tried this tactic and to be honest, it didn’t work.

Of course, it worked for the first few seconds of an interaction. I can’t deny that women were more attracted to my insecure self once I walked as if I would have courage. However, after I talked to them for about two seconds, they knew that I was neither honest nor authentic.

I mean, how could I have been honest when I was faking it?

That’s simply impossible.

Just because I was able to walk without burying my head in my coat, didn’t mean that I was suddenly confident. Just because I told myself over and over again that I am the best seducer on the planet and that every girl wants me, didn’t mean that any girl actually wanted to talk to me.

I got trapped in the "fake it till you make it" phase, and whenever I tried to fake it, my brain screamed at me:

“Stop lying to yourself. You are NOT who you pretend to be!”

Eventually, I had to accept one very important fact that most guys in the pick-up community refuse to accept...

Accept that "fake it till you make it" does NOT lead to success.

In order to get past the "fake it till you make it" phase, you have to accept that this approach doesn’t lead to success. For some guys, this realization is like a slap in the face. I remember that I needed weeks of recovery in which I felt miserable for being the inauthentic and phony boy I was when I used this technique.

But why is it so hard to get over something that doesn’t benefit you in any way?

Well, faking it till you're making it sounds like a dream come true. It’s like when you start an exciting and thrilling movie. Your imagination allows you to become the main character. Suddenly, you can do all the exciting and adventurous things that you ever wanted to do and you can be whoever you want to be, without doing anything to get there.

The same is true for the "fake it till you make it" tactic. A few affirmations, basic work on your body language, and boom…you are the greatest seducer of all time. It promises you fast success without facing your fears, without getting rejected, and without doing the necessary work.

It’s the easy way out and we human beings absolutely love the easy way out. The easier we can achieve the results, the more enthusiastic we are about achieving them. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. At some point, you have to wake up to the reality that everything you told yourself is just an illusion.

You are still the insecure, fearful guy without any seduction skills that you have been before you tried to convince yourself that you are the lovechild of Mystery and Neil Strauss.

However, just because you are still not there, doesn't mean that you won’t get where you want to be. All you need to realize and to accept is that the strategy you are currently following won’t lead you to success.

It is time to be honest with yourself and to realize that you can only become successful if you do the work that leads you on the road to success.

Make a plan and set goals.

Have you finally realized that affirmations and pretending to be confident by walking like a peacock isn’t the path that leads you to unlimited seduction success?

Awesome!

Now it’s time to think about what really leads you on the path to success. Think about what successful seducers did in order to get to where they are.

I really hope that you will agree with me when I tell you that the most successful seducers didn’t back down after their first rejection. I also hope that you agree with me when I say that the most successful seducers talked to more than ten women in their life.

You have to understand that there are basically two elements that every successful seducer combines.

On the one hand, he has the dedication to study the art of seduction on a theoretical level until he understands every nuance and every part of the female psychology. On the other hand, he has the determination to put his knowledge into practice and to do what is necessary to succeed.

How can you do the same?

Make a plan and set goals.

Design a detailed plan in which you write down when you are planning to invest time to study the art of seduction and when you are planning to go out and approach one girl after another. Once you have a detailed plan that shows exactly when and where you are going to work on your career as a professional seducer, it is time for some concrete goals.

A concrete goal such as “I will have three dates and a one night stand by the end of this month” gives you motivation and helps you to track if you really put in the effort. In case you put in the effort and do the work, you will reach your goals.

Face your inner demons.

What do you do after you decided to end this "fake it till you make it" lie and get ready for some real personal development?

You say hello to your inner demons.

Your demons are the dirty little bastards that are holding you back. Your inner demons show their face through fear, insecurity, jealousy, nervousness, and shaking anxiety.

If you want to become a truly great seducer, you absolutely have to face your fears. Sorry, but there is no way around it. Unless you face your fears, you will always stay a victim of your own emotions and you can never achieve true greatness.

Becoming a truly great seducer is only possible if you face your fears, rethink your behavior in regards to them, and overcome them one step after another.

Please don’t make that mistake so many other guys make and think that you will overcome your deepest fears within one night. That’s simply impossible. Overcoming fears that you carry around for decades needs a bit time. Some men can crush their fears in 24 hours, while others need a few days more. Give yourself the time you need to become fearless.

Get to know your true self and let it shine.

Once you realized that the "fake it till you make it" approach won’t lead you to success, and once you overcome your fears, it is time to think about who you really are and what you stand for.

You have probably spent the last months, if not years, pretending to be someone you are not and talking yourself into believing that you have certain qualities that you actually don’t have.

Now it is time to be 100% honest with yourself and to find out who you really are. Only this will allow you to attract the right women. Think about your strengths and your weaknesses. Find out everything you can about the person you see when you look in the mirror.

After you have spent some time thinking about who you are, what you stand for and what beliefs and values you have, it is time to show your true self. You might not know it, but women are way more attracted to your true self than to the mask you put on.

Allow women to meet the amazing person you are by showing them who you really are. Show the women in your life that you are a man who got past the "fake it till you make it" phase and that you are confident enough to take off your mask.