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How to Get the Person You Want

Advice on How to Get Him or Her

Photo Courtesy of Joanna Nix

Have you had some trouble getting the person you want? Is it hard for you to figure out what he or she wants? Have you tried things your way and it isn’t working and you’re not sure why? Having a doubt about approaching him or her? Keep with me and I will give you some ideas and advice on how to get closer to getting that person you want.

The main important thing to establish is availability. Are they physically and emotionally available? Has he or she just got out of a relationship, having hard times, been abused or going through things in their life then he or she isn’t available? To get into a healthy relationship that will have value and lasts you and the person your pursuing both need to be ready for that. You don’t want to be the rebound, you don’t want to further upset him or her when they are trying to heal from whatever their going through, and you don’t need anything toxic. You may want to brush me off and think it will all work out. I am trying to help you and save you from a disaster. If you truly want a good relationship it's important to make sure the availability is there and who the person is you are pursuing.

The person you want to be with should be taking care of themselves, their overall looks, their mind, their health and they have their own independence. These are crucial for a healthy relationship that can last. How the person takes care of themselves reflects their investment and you want someone who is willing to invest in what is important. You want to be with someone who is positive, who makes sounds choices in those who are around, that they don't allow anything toxic to interrupt his or her life. They can do things on their own and is confident in themselves and happy with their lives and who they are. If those things happen then you can add value to his or her life. If your wanting her to be a maid for you, to tend to your needs, to take care of your problems then don’t mess with her. Women who have it together wants someone to add value to help contribute not to be a tornado to screw up all that she’s worked for. Think about that if you flipped it and you had it together would you want a woman to mess all that up?

Relationships are about loving each other, being there emotionally and physically, being able to work through problems and walk through life together. That can happen if you both are prepared beforehand for that role. You can’t take a test and expect to pass it when you haven’t studied. So, gather up your lessons and study before you make a relationship happen.

So, all of this is established, and you want to talk to him or her and make your way into where they want to be with you. How you talk to her is so important. Trust me when I say us women can tell if you’re being a condescending jerk. How you carry your self and what she sees of you makes an impression. Be confident in your self and in your words. How will she believe you’re a great, respectable, good-natured guy if you’re not sure of it yourself? When you talk to her don’t let your ego be in control, keep eye contact, be engaged, listen, and don’t come off harsh. Choose your words because how you say things can come off different ways. For example, you’re having lunch talking, and she accidentally knocks over her drink. You can say, “That was great, now I have to go change.” That will end everything because you came off as a jerk. Instead, you could say, “Don’t worry about it its just a small mess and I’ll help you clean.” This one your coming off as caring and letting her know that you don’t make a big deal of things.

Each of these responses to a situation with her can make or break your progress with her. If you're coming off as a jerk, then she will see that you have no tolerance and short tempered. The other response displays a man who is patient, caring and kind. Women want a strong, independent, caring, guy. There are many other attributes women want from a man as well, but these are the basics. If you can understand her, get to know what goes on in her head and what she likes it shouldn’t be hard in making a connection and presenting yourself to hopefully land a relationship. If she has friend zoned you then she’s unavailable, or you aren’t someone she can see her self with. Being in a friend zone isn’t all that bad because its possible to move out of that position and score a home run. If all else fails having more friends isn’t bad.

I believe all this can be applied to a woman as well. Men want a confident, independent, and kind-hearted woman. They like when a woman can take care of herself and can present her self well. It's not about showing skin its what’s underneath it that is important. The way you approach a man and what you say to him is the deciding factor for a shutdown or an open door. He doesn’t want a woman to seem like she’s conceded, that everything revolves around her or that she puts him down by choice of words.

We are adults now not awkward teenagers so approach the woman or man you're interested in and be confident. Yeah, you may get shut you down but how will you know? Don’t let your mind run off thinking he or she’s out of your league, don’t be thinking about how he or she won’t like you and so on. Let that person make that decision and who knows it could all work out. We only have one life and only a few opportunities come along for something great to happen so take the chance. Now go get the person you want, put forth the effort and take care of yourself. Most importantly love yourself first so that you can love him or her. Remember availability, your words, your actions and who you are as a person are the keys to getting in. The door will stay locked if you don’t try the keys.

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