Dealing with dysphoria is hard enough for a trans person, but it's even harder still for someone in the closet, because they can't risk trying to pass as the opposite gender. If nobody knows you're trans, and you want to keep it on the down low, you will need to find ways to feel more feminine/masculine that no one else will notice.
Thankfully, there are things that you can do even while in the closet to feel more masculine/feminine (whichever you're trying to go for) in a subtle way. By making some small changes in your life, you can feel better in your own skin, without being obvious to the people you aren't out to.
These are a few of my ideas, and I hope it can help even just one person!
- Use male bodywash/hair products. If you have a brother or father at home you can use some out of their bottle, but if there are no other males in your house, you will have to buy your own bottles of body wash and hide them in your own room. Just remember: don't use mint body wash. It is the only male body wash that will literally cause you pain if you have a vagina.
- Use make-up to your advantage! Make-up doesn't have to be feminine, and you can use it to draw thicker eyebrows and do male countour.
- Use male spray deodorant. Usually people won't question it, but if someone happens to, just tell them it was the cheapest you could find or that the packet says it's gender neutral.
- Wear male t-shirts. It's not as obvious as you might think - I own a selection of both male and female t-shirts and I don't really know which is which myself. It's a super subtle way to feel masculine without anyone else knowing :)
- If you can't dress in male clothes, just avoid tight fitting women's clothes. Try a size bigger, or wear something like a women's jumper or hoodie that doesn't accentuate your curves.
- Get a short haircut. These are generally a masculine thing but in recent years short haircuts have been trendy with women, and especially with many celebrities like Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus joining the trend, now is a better time than ever to cut your hair super short without people really questioning it.
- Wear a packer. If you get a smallish one and don't wear super tight pants, no-one will find out that you have it.
- Go to the gym! There's a lot of body building exercises you can do to make your body appear more masculine. Exercises like push ups help broaden shoulders and add to arm strength, for example.
- Don't shave. If not shaving your armpits is too taboo and you don't think you'll get away with it, just don't shave your legs.
- If you have a boyfriend - WEAR HIS CLOTHES! This is so common for cis females to do that it's the best way for you to wear blantanty male clothing without people thinking anything of it.
- Wear subtle makeup that no-one will really pick up on. Clear nail varnish and lip gloss will make you feel more feminine, or even just a normal lip balm.
- Paint your toenails - no-one really sees your feet that often.
- Wear female underwear. It won't be seen under your clothes by anyone else, but you know it's there.
- If you're in the alternative scene, it's easier to do feminine things. Eyeliner and long/dyed hair is common with guys who are emo/metalheads/etc, so if you are an alternative person, use that to your advantage.
- File your nails, moisturize, use face masks or any other self care activities that are typically feminine.
- Shave your legs and armpits. If you're closeted your legs are probably often covered by jeans rather than wearing skirts, so nobody will notice.
- Try using bath bombs. Pink, sparkly, fragranced ones, or even ones with flowers in, are nice to use in the bath in your private time.
- If you have a sister, she'll probably want to practice makeup on you sometime. If she's not bringing it up herself, hint at it, and she'll probably want to do your face straight away. Girls like doing other people's make-up, even on guys. You can wear a full face of make-up indoors and if your parents question it, it's just you spending quality time with your sister.
Tips For Both:
- Do your own laundry. If you do your own laundry instead of leaving it to your parents or roommates, you can own as many of the opposite sex's clothes as you want without anyone else noticing.
- Change your diet - there are foods you can start eating more of to lower/boost the amount of estrogen/testosterone in your body. (Remember, estrogen is the female hormone and testosterone is the male hormone).
FOOD TO BOOST TESTOSTERONE: oysters, broccoli, bananas, garlic, egg
FOOD TO LOWER TESTOSTERONE: soy, spearmint, pasta, cheese, chocolate
FOODS TO BOOST ESTROGEN: coffee, peas, soy, red meat
FOODS TO LOWER ESTROGEN: mushrooms, green tea, cauliflower, broccoli, turnips
With a Google search you can find many more examples of these foods. Admittedly, girls get the better diet. Lots of pasta, cheese and chocolate. Boys get broccoli. :p
Those are my ideas of how to help your dysphoria and to feel more masculine/feminine while in the closet. I hope I helped someone, if I come up with any more ideas I will make a part 2.
Thank you for reading :p