How to Know if They Are 'The One'

Every relationship I have been in has been long-term, serious. I've said the same things way too many times: "You're the love of my life," "You're my soulmate," "I will never love anyone but you." I'm sure everyone knows what it's like to promise things like that in the moment, but those are promises that usually can't be kept.

When I was 14, I started dating my first boyfriend. He and I promised each other the world and more. I had this mindset: I could only ever date my first and only love, we could get married, have kids. My daydreams went on and on, well, for two years.

When I was 16, I wanted something new and different. I was bored. Enter Boyfriend #2. I found myself echoing my old promises. Once again, I meant them wholeheartedly. We dated for two years when I finally escaped the terrible situation that I was in (long story, off topic).

When I was 18, I was going to take a break from relationships, give myself some time to breathe, to live, to learn. That's when he showed up, just like The One always does. I promised him the same lines. 5 years of a broken record. This time is different, however, and let me tell you why.

The promises I made when I was young were promises that I intended to keep, but there was more to it. I don't know if I knew it then, at least not at first, by promising them, I was really just trying to make promises to myself.

In the back of my mind, with both Boyfriend #1 and Boyfriend #2, I had this little feeling of doubt. I wanted more than anything for the relationship to work out, for infinite reasons, but there was always something. With B#1, I longed to live alone one day and have new romances and experiences. With B#2, I knew the relationship was destructive in every way, and I knew I needed to get away. I wanted them to be The One, but I knew they could never be.

Today, I'm confident. I have no desire to have new romances or to live alone. I have no feeling of the end in the back of my mind. He can make me angry, make me sad, make me happy, no matter what I want him by my side. I want to fight through it and put all of my effort into it. That's how I know he's The One.

Here's the catch, you may feel this way, but do they feel the same? If they don't trust you, don't do their best to help you grow as a person, if they don't give to you all of them, the way you do, then they aren't The One.

The One will have the same feeling as you: certainty.